I have mixed feelings about birthdays, the aging sucks but I do quite enjoy using the day to manipulate people into giving me things.
Netflix and awkward silence?
I should have known a van giving away free cheesy tater tots was too good to be true.
Thanks to technology, family members from across the country can still have meetings to discuss what a disappointment you are.
Apparently introducing your puppet as your lover to people is frowned upon.
It turns out that you can only spray so many people down with Febreze before they fire you as a Wal Mart greeter.
I make all guests at my house leave their phones at the door just because I know they’ll leave quicker that way.
Apparently being a 45 year old man sitting on Santa’s lap demanding the heads of your enemies is just too much for some malls.
Let’s just say she wasn’t impressed when I picked her up in my go-kart.
Wiping your nose on the person’s shoulder during a hug discourages future hugs.