@anerdonfire2

I have mixed feelings about birthdays, the aging sucks but I do quite enjoy using the day to manipulate people into giving me things.

@anerdonfire2

I should have known a van giving away free cheesy tater tots was too good to be true.

@anerdonfire2

Thanks to technology, family members from across the country can still have meetings to discuss what a disappointment you are.

@anerdonfire2

Apparently introducing your puppet as your lover to people is frowned upon.

@anerdonfire2

It turns out that you can only spray so many people down with Febreze before they fire you as a Wal Mart greeter.

@anerdonfire2

I make all guests at my house leave their phones at the door just because I know they’ll leave quicker that way.

@anerdonfire2

Apparently being a 45 year old man sitting on Santa’s lap demanding the heads of your enemies is just too much for some malls.

@anerdonfire2

Let’s just say she wasn’t impressed when I picked her up in my go-kart.

@anerdonfire2

Fun fact:

Wiping your nose on the person’s shoulder during a hug discourages future hugs.