I have mixed feelings about birthdays, the aging sucks but I do quite enjoy using the day to manipulate people into giving me things.
Netflix and awkward silence?
I should have known a van giving away free cheesy tater tots was too good to be true.
Thanks to technology, family members from across the country can still have meetings to discuss what a disappointment you are.
Apparently introducing your puppet as your lover to people is frowned upon.
Apparently being a 45 year old man sitting on Santa’s lap demanding the heads of your enemies is just too much for some malls.
Let’s just say she wasn’t impressed when I picked her up in my go-kart.
Wiping your nose on the person’s shoulder during a hug discourages future hugs.
I’m sorry I ate your food but you just kept taking pics of it instead of eating it.
As my mom finishes up cutting up my steak for me, I can’t help but notice that my date looks upset.