That soy sauce packet is just living rent free in your drawers
The average tiktok video is 24 seconds and let’s just say I can relate
Remember, if someone doesn’t like the same style of peanut butter as you, it’s a personal attack
Every country has a wafer cookie, and every country thinks they invented it
There was a time when all I needed was to feed my grandpa’s goldfish, play with fridge magnets, and drink a 7up with a cherry… but daylight savings ruins everything
Sometimes you drop things into that crack next to the driver’s seat and those things just belong to the vehicle’s next owner now
It’s cute how airlines think I know my flight number
Twitter handles are like bands from the 90s. I don’t really remember anything they wrote, but when I see their name, I have a vague sense of whether I hate them or not.
There is a school auction tonight, but I don’t know if I’m ready to buy a whole school
When I grow up, I want to be 16
My dog must think that the mailman just can’t take a hint
Save time sledding with kids by just throwing away one mitten before you even leave the house
How to brew beer: First buy $300 worth of equipment from the last guy who thought it would be fun
There are no pants in heaven.
I’ve known my dog for 11 years but she still eats like I’m going to steal it from her