got kicked out of a morgue for promoting body positivity
a fun thing to do when someone enters the elevator is to calmly say to them “I was murdered in this very elevator exactly one year ago”
[me, at Hot Topic] ah yes, bring me your hottest topics, my good man
You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and suddenly you’re accused of being a kleptomaniac
ME: Whoa, these people are hardcore Goths
CORONER: How many times do I have to tell you that they’re corpses, you’re looking at corpses
[me, taking a drug test at work] the company didn’t specify which drugs we had to take to prepare for this, so I took them all
I may be fat now, but you’re stupid forever.
MOM: [walks into daughter’s room, sees protest signs, history books, list of senators’ phone numbers on bed] Are you… politically active?
I appreciate it when someone tells me to just “get over it” when I’m depressed. It gives me a chance to exercise my grave digging skills.
“I don’t know who you are, but I will find you and I will kill you and – oh sorry, wrong number.” – Liam Neeson in Mistaken