Just had a marijuanapiphany:
360° is a circle.
A circle looks like a zero.
Xbox 360 = Xbox Zero.
What comes after zero?
According to the Internet:
– Weaker hardware.
– Mandatory daily check-in.
– Requires Kinect.
– Cures cancer.
Step 1) Ask mom to come meet your girlfriend.
Step 2) Text “Medusa’s excited to meet you.”
Step 3) Place statue of yourself on your lawn.
Alien 1: Was Earth enjoyable?
Alien 2: Indeed. I landed in the city of “Ghetto.” Locals bestowed upon me the title of “E.T. Lookin Nigga.”
Noah: A boat?
Noah: Two of every animal?
Noah: I have a better idea.
Noah: Maybe don’t kill everyone.
If I suddenly had the ability to teleport, I’d spend an entire day popping up naked in front of people and asking for John Connor.
After 5 minutes of staring at grass, I came to the realization that Earth has green hair. That’ll do, brain. That’ll do.
Walk up to a girl, sniff her hair, and whisper “Perfect. Master will love you.” This is a great way to increase your tolerance to Mace…
So everyone in Boston got together and decided you can stop telling us to “be safe.” We figured that part out after shit started exploding.
Satan giving a tour of hell: “Over there we have people who make that sound when they chew gum and idiots who use hashtags on Facebook.”