Watching someone cook is really sexy.
But I recommend you make sure they are unconscious before you put them in the pan.
We need to make art so weird that when the tech companies try using it to train AI, the AI goes “listen I don’t know what this is and I’m scared”.
i love making the whole conversation so awkward that the most anyone can say after is “so yeah…”
On my way to work I saw a turtle crossing at a TURTLE CROSSING SIGN omg so responsible.
Exorcist came by. Says house isn’t possessed, just incredibly poorly built.
When I write “I hope this email finds you well” I’m referring to the email’s skills in tracking you down.
“How do you normally handle criticism about your sarcasm?”
Oh, suuuuuuper well, homie.
Every morning I announce that Im going for a jog, but then I don’t go…
it’s a running joke…
After watching a movie you can find interviews, commentaries, trivia. When you finish a book there’s one thread from 2014 asking if the author has apologized for their inaccurate portrayal of arthritis.
*Cracks knuckles*
“Time to solve an international conflict with the worst takes you’ve ever seen in your life”
Is professional slap fighting still a thing or is all that training I went through being a little brother still useless?
*a caveman walking along a trail sees another set of footprints. he stops & shakes his head*
the traffic has gotten so bad here.
I’m so glad I cleaned the house so the kids have a clean canvas to drop their stuff everywhere.
I was about to confront my husband about the strange blonde hairs I found in our house until I realised my kid’s werewolf Halloween mask was moulting.
My 9yo on Shark Tank:
“It’s a shirt, but look, it’s also a napkin!”