@Heatinblack first person to make a calzone: *looking at pizza* I can fix him
@Heatinblack @Heatinblack Me trying on those leggings I bought before the pandemic
@Heatinblack A chip tracker but it’s just me following the potato chip crumbs dropped by my toddler
@Heatinblack Me when my husband says, “let’s go to the gym”
@Heatinblack me: slip out of that little red thing you’re wearing
*unwraps Babybel*
@Heatinblack I dreamt I was turning into a
t-rex. A tiny part of me tried to fight it
@Heatinblack Tell the colonel to bring it
@Heatinblack For sale: 1 brain, only dropped once, OW, dammit, ok twice
@Heatinblack Me: *listening to the puppy drink water in the next room* you’re creating urine. Please stop
@Heatinblack “Never let ‘em see you sweat” is my motto when I go to the gym