
first person to make a calzone: *looking at pizza* I can fix him
first person to make a calzone: *looking at pizza* I can fix him
Me trying on those leggings I bought before the pandemic
A chip tracker but it’s just me following the potato chip crumbs dropped by my toddler
Me when my husband says, “let’s go to the gym”
me: slip out of that little red thing you’re wearing
*unwraps Babybel*
I dreamt I was turning into a
t-rex. A tiny part of me tried to fight it
Tell the colonel to bring it
For sale: 1 brain, only dropped once, OW, dammit, ok twice
Me: *listening to the puppy drink water in the next room* you’re creating urine. Please stop
“Never let ‘em see you sweat” is my motto when I go to the gym