@NikiWithIssues

I don’t see the point of being a godmother if the kid refuses to kiss my ring. I mean, what the hell?

@NikiWithIssues

I really miss Jake. And Clyde. And Marissa. Gina too. I should stop naming my cupcakes right before I eat them. 🙁

@NikiWithIssues

By the power vested in me by my credit card, I now pronounce you my new fluffy hat. You may now hug my head.

@NikiWithIssues

Hey person who wrote “WASH ME” on my car, I know it wasn’t my car that wrote that. My car doesn’t speak English. I’m onto you.

@NikiWithIssues

What’s the deal with everyone liking unicorns? They’re horses with dildos on their heads. Dragons, people. DRAGONS.

@NikiWithIssues

I hate airplanes and flying. It’s like someone throwing a can full of people over the ocean and hoping someone in Europe will catch it.

@NikiWithIssues

I’m just a girl, standing in front of a boy, blocking the tv and getting him shot on Call of Duty.

@NikiWithIssues

There’s a butterfly in my office and a nerf gun in my purse. Susan, clear my schedule.