@Smooheed

My plans for world domination will be complete as soon as I can work out how to hide a coffee machine in my bra

@Smooheed

If you make your legs go fast on an elliptical, then relax and let momentum take over

It still hurts when your face smashes on the floor

@Smooheed

I did my three minute river dance routine outside his bedroom window and my hot neighbor still doesn’t want to date me

This is bullshit

@Smooheed

My sex moves can best be described as trapped with an angry cat on a punctured water bed

@Smooheed

Have some fun at work: End every comment with a long slow wink

“My report is super late”
*long slow wink*

“I swear I didn’t drink at lunch”
*long slow wink*

“Oh, I’m fired?”
*long slow wink*