They say you should do something every day that scares you so I napped without the little pillow between my knees and now my lower back is terrified.
I’m used to my kid bursting into the bathroom with random objects but I had to draw the line today at bringing in binoculars and her cousin.
Sometimes parenthood is having to say “please don’t throw your beef stick at me” with a straight face.
Some parenting days swing very quickly and extremely between “I’d die for my kid” and “I know why some animals eat their young”.
5: Lucas said he would give me $100 if I go to his birthday party. But I would go for free. But I didn’t tell him that.
Me: I have nothing left to teach you, my child
5: I’m bad at this puzzle
Me: you’re trying your best! Mommy has a hard time with that one too!
5: yeah, because you’re bad at it
My battle cry is, I’M TRYING TO PEE! STOP KNOCKING ON THE DOOR!!
And 5’s battle cry is, I’M NOT KNOCKING ON THE DOOR! I’M KNOCKING ON THE WALL NEXT TO THE DOOR!
Is there anything more infuriating than the text you get confirming you’ve unsubscribed from the text chain you just unsubscribed from?
7yo niece, pointing at my belly: that’s your proof of baby.
Well, I WAS having a nice day.
4: MOM I NEED ANOTHER RED WINE!
Me, to the judging parents at the beach: RED VINE! She wants another licorice!!
Like I’d ever share my wine with her.
4: mama you’re a sweet tomato!
Me: Aw thank y-
4: because you’re round
Me: …
4: and plumpy
Me: go to your room
“That’s how kids get money. Loose teeth and chores.” -6yo niece schooling 4 on the way the world works
4 year olds really apologize like “I’m sorry I accidentally did that on purpose.”
Any time 4 chases our cat, she says “don’t worry kitty! It’s only me!”
And every time, I resist the urge to say “yeah I think the cat knows.”
Parenthood has made me so mature.
I just spilled my protein shake all over myself and all I’m saying is a donut would never do this to me.