Nothing gets you out of the Christmas mood faster than wrapping gifts.
A tired woman is a mean woman.
Don’t wake her up from a sound sleep because you can’t find the ketchup.
I dated Spider-Man for a while but my folks hated him. Dad was thoroughly disgusted by his onesie and neat freak Mom kept following him around with a broom.
Enforcer: Kids don’t get kneecaps until age 6.
Baby loan shark: Well crap. How am I supposed to get my money out of the little snots?
Bird snatches worm: Haha beat you to it sleepy head!
And early riser Hunter Harry gets delicious fried pheasant for lunch.
If you see a “lost & found” box in the proctologist’s office keep walking.
Gecko at McDonald’s crawl through:
I’ll have A Bug Mac, flies & a small snake.
Him: How close is the storm?
Me: Let me Google it.
*laptop blows away*
Me: OK Fine. 𝑰’𝑳𝑳 cook the turkey this time for the Holiday.
Me: Who wants burnt meat and who wants raw meat?
Baby Bella mushroom: Where did I come from?
Full of shiitake biology teacher:
Well when umami and udadi who love each other very much…