@Cornjerker78

Nothing gets you out of the Christmas mood faster than wrapping gifts.

@Cornjerker78

A tired woman is a mean woman.

Don’t wake her up from a sound sleep because you can’t find the ketchup.

@Cornjerker78

I dated Spider-Man for a while but my folks hated him. Dad was thoroughly disgusted by his onesie and neat freak Mom kept following him around with a broom.

@Cornjerker78

Enforcer: Kids don’t get kneecaps until age 6.

Baby loan shark: Well crap. How am I supposed to get my money out of the little snots?

@Cornjerker78

Bird snatches worm: Haha beat you to it sleepy head!

*blam!*

And early riser Hunter Harry gets delicious fried pheasant for lunch.

@Cornjerker78

If you see a “lost & found” box in the proctologist’s office keep walking.

@Cornjerker78

Gecko at McDonald’s crawl through:

I’ll have A Bug Mac, flies & a small snake.

@Cornjerker78

Him: How close is the storm?

Me: Let me Google it.
*laptop blows away*

Pretty close.

@Cornjerker78

Me: OK Fine. 𝑰’𝑳𝑳 cook the turkey this time for the Holiday.

[Family Dinner]
Me: Who wants burnt meat and who wants raw meat?

@Cornjerker78

Baby Bella mushroom: Where did I come from?

Full of shiitake biology teacher:
Well when umami and udadi who love each other very much…