@Cornjerker78

Toddler boy: worry about them eating enough.

Teen boy: worry about them leaving you something to eat.

You Might Also Like

@goodgrief_rats

Survey: Are you a Democrat or a Republican?
Me: Labels are for soup cans
Survey: Can you tell us which way you’re leaning?
Me: Clam chowder

@PetrickSara

Parents that need to reheat coffee are adorable.

Hardened parents will chug it cold, or chew straight up coffee grounds; they’re desperate.

@murrman5

*pushes cart from 20 feet away into cart corral perfectly*
“did you see th-*wife is already calling parents to take the kids for the night*

@junejuly12

I have way too much responsibility for someone who still isn’t sure if 12pm is noon or midnight.

@Marlebean

I’m running out of lies to tell in confessional but it’s the only place I can sit in silence away from my kids.

@isabelzawtun

I ruined our romantic honeymoon to Venice by pronouncing canal wrong the whole time. You know how. You get it. I grow weary of this website

@STRIKINGxVIKING

They say all good things must come to an end…

After 7 wonderful years of marriage…

I walked in on my wife…

Watching Twilight..

@ItsAndyRyan

Writer: My biggest fear is a blank piece of paper
The Rock: I hear ya buddy