@TheBoydP

The best thing about being an introvert is not having to wait on someone else to binge watch a show on Netflix.

@TheBoydP

What do you call emergency rooms for non medical emergencies?

Bars, they’re called bars

@TheBoydP

*gets a new lease on life*

*misses first payment*

@TheBoydP

*gets a new lease on life*

*misses first payment*

@TheBoydP

*holds flashlight up to face*

When I was a kid, most pop tarts came unfrosted.

*3 millennials faint, 2 vomit*

@TheBoydP

All I’m saying is a hunk of burning love doesn’t sound safe.

@TheBoydP

Call me crazy but it looks like cage free eggs come in little cages to me.

@TheBoydP

There’s so much pollen in the air covering everything with a blanket of yellow dust that I thought my wife went blonde.

@TheBoydP

Welcome to your fifties, your movie reviews are no longer thumbs up or thumbs down, they’re did I fall asleep or stay awake.

@TheBoydP

If by environmentalist you mean “I try to get out of doing things by saying it’s bad for the environment” then yes, I’m an environmentalist.