Get ahead at the office by taking work home with you over the weekend. No need to work on it just make sure people see you take it home…
The ruling that legal papers can now be “served” on Facebook is ridiculous. Don’t they know the people they’re looking for are on twitter?
Top uses for a bathroom exhaust fan:
3. Remove moisture from the air
2. Remove odor from the air
1. Cover up disgusting sounds
Well well well, if isn’t the girl who gave me cooties in third grade…
*Goes to work*
*Gets fired for breaking clock*
“I get knocked down, but I get up again
You’re never gonna keep me down”
“If your father asks you to pick up 5 large bags of ice, the best place to put them is in the backyard in direct sun”
~My son apparently
“I’m too important too attend the training on the new system. When I need to get in it you can walk me through it each time”
Protip: Never look up from your breakfast if you hear the words “gruesome discovery” coming from your TV on the morning news.
I can eat anything in the house unless it was specifically bought for my wife but the only way to know it’s for her is to eat it. Apparently