@TheBoydP

Get ahead at the office by taking work home with you over the weekend. No need to work on it just make sure people see you take it home…

@TheBoydP

The ruling that legal papers can now be “served” on Facebook is ridiculous. Don’t they know the people they’re looking for are on twitter?

@TheBoydP

Top uses for a bathroom exhaust fan:

3. Remove moisture from the air

2. Remove odor from the air

1. Cover up disgusting sounds

@TheBoydP

Well well well, if isn’t the girl who gave me cooties in third grade…

@TheBoydP

*Goes to work*

*Punches clock*

*Gets fired for breaking clock*

@TheBoydP

“I get knocked down, but I get up again
You’re never gonna keep me down”

~Bowling pins

@TheBoydP

“If your father asks you to pick up 5 large bags of ice, the best place to put them is in the backyard in direct sun”

~My son apparently

@TheBoydP

“I’m too important too attend the training on the new system. When I need to get in it you can walk me through it each time”

~Management

@TheBoydP

Protip: Never look up from your breakfast if you hear the words “gruesome discovery” coming from your TV on the morning news.

@TheBoydP

I can eat anything in the house unless it was specifically bought for my wife but the only way to know it’s for her is to eat it. Apparently