Any sink has a garbage disposal if you push hard enough.
Girls get so turned on when you take charge. Grab her hair and tell her she needs a shampoo with no harsh sulfates and a new lip stain.
One fist-bump from a cool black dude is worth 5 years of my parents loving me.
I read a sad statistic that something like 2% of all sushi goes un-Instagrammed.
Leave a Post-It on your girlfriend’s birth control that says, “guess u don’t want 2 have my babies haha.”
Thank you for ordering this $2 necklace from Etsy. With shipping your total comes to $758,937. Item will arrive from Uzbekistan in 3 years
From now on, I’m referring to my ex girlfriends as “yesterbae’s.”
Nice job Instagramming your plane ticket with enough personal information to take out a mortgage in your name.
Day 218 of making fun of CrossFit.