My fortune cookie just says Hahahaha. Is that good?
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When your friend wants to do a drive by but none of us can see that good at night anymore.
Unless you and your family were attacked by Bigfoot, then no, I don’t want to see your camping pictures.
How the hell wizards don’t set fire to themselves, I’ll never understand; attempting to make potions and stuff, with those dangly sleeves.
[Comes home and wife is laying in bed with Another Man]
“Can I ask you something?”
“Why’d you name the dog ‘Another Man’ babe?”
The Razzi family had more family photographs than any other family.
All thanks to the dad.
2 found a calculator and is typing away very intensely on it
I call her name and I got a dirty look and a very nasty “Hold on!”, and back to typing
So I’ve decided to say her name 32 times, ask for juice 15 times, ask for 58 snacks, and have 3 meltdowns
Any bar is a karaoke bar if you’re drunk enough.
I enjoy a good short stor
Oh, your pet loves you more than anyone else? No shit, if you controlled when I ate I’d be obsessed with you too.