using AI to expand this shot in Fast & Furious 6 and achieve the filmmakers true vision ππ
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The recipe said “Set the oven to 180 degrees,” so I did, but now I can’t open it because the door faces the wall.
you: letβs get this bread
j.d. salinger, an intellectual: letβs catch this rye
Is the stick figure with the halo on the back of the minivan the dead kid or the really good one? Iβm too scared to ask.
[meeting at amc network]
βOkay so how can we make everyone in Walking Dead look like they smell even worse this season?β
What I lack in drive, I more than make up for in drive-thru.
Husband: Um, what are you doing?
Me: My doctor said I should do multiple sets of bagels a day to strengthen my pelvic floor
Husband:…
Me, spitting crumbs: I’m almost certain he said bagels
Surgeon: scalpel.
[patient hands him scalpel]
Surgeon: oh shit! Lol. Youβre supposed to be asleep.
HER: why do you hate every single Hugh Grant movie?
ME: i love love actually actually
Whatβs your zodiac sign? Iβm a banjo wizard.
Please stop adding touchscreens to cars most of these idiots can barely drive as it is
I can tell exactly how much someone weighs by how much noise they make when I push them down the stairs.
If anyone asks me about a movie, I say I only go to movies for the popcorn.
[sending nudes] I swear itβs not gonna be a photo of my cat
Nobody can turn an omelet into scrambled eggs quicker than me.
At this point Iβm waiting for my student loans to ask me if I want to add 10%, 15% or 20% gratuity to my bill.
βDad, what do you hate most about being divorced and living alone?β
βIt takes 1 month for me to fill up the goddamn dishwasher.β
It’s only Cloud Computing if it originates in the Saint-Cloud region of France.
Otherwise, it’s just sparkling servers-in-a-warehouse.
[my kid, literally every school morning]
“I hate mornings. I’m not getting up”[1st day of summer vacation]
“dad, can we watch the sunrise”
“Always bring a nail file, scissors, tweezers, a corkscrew, a toothpick and a bottle opener to a knife fight.” — The Swiss Army
ME: what’s wrong girl?
LASSIE: *barking and pointing at baby that fell down a well*
ME: yes, babies ARE stupid
‘Tis the season when you think about your loved ones…
…and realize that although you love them, it’s not that “rush one-day delivery” fee kind of love. Ever.
βItβs finally happened,β I say as my handwriting deteriorates to the point where I canβt read it. βIβve become a doctor.β
fact: each canadian goose contains the repressed rage of 30 canadians
Never eat the free guacamole at a sushi restaurant. It’s always waaay too spicy and doesn’t taste anything like avocados.
They charge you for the groceries and then they charge you for the toilet paper when you turn the groceries into poop. Open your eyes
When I see someone at a carwash late at night, I assume they’ve just committed murder.
1) In the interest of time, would ye noble patriots please provide a list of infractions punishable by spontaneous public execution? Thanks!
Post-it Note stuck to desk: Stop wasting Post-it Notes!