Everyone pointing out that it’s suspicious how many AI tools are free, it’s because building a tech company these days 100% revolves around giving people your product for free/at an extreme discount until they forget how to function without it, then closing the jaws of the trap
You Might Also Like
I hate when I give people nicknames like “stupid face” on my phone and I cant remember who the stupid face is.
Me: You got that talent from me!
13yo: Don’t take credit for my genuis!
[bridge]
BUNGEE INSTRUCTOR: forgetting something?
JUMPER: what?
BUNGEE INSTRUCTOR: your harness.
JUMPER: oh wait lol i’m not with the group.
My mom once called me at 3am to tell me some long lost relative died and hung up on me when I asked if they’d still be dead at 8am.
Not a single one of my girlfriends has stuck around to see how many old school WWF finishing moves I know.
My child’s math problem says that Lisa bought 5 loaves of bread that cost $0.25 each and 6 lbs of beef that cost $1.25 per pound and the only information I need is where does Lisa do her grocery shopping.
H: Did you remember to pick up the seal so the tub will stop leaking?
M: *holding a baby seal* You should have been more specific.
Quarantine Day 31: I joined a Facebook group where we all pretend to be ants in an ant colony
*Cowboy stares at the horizon*
“A storm’s comin”
[In the distance, Darude ‘Sandstorm’ can be heard faintly]
*Cowboy cracks a glowstick*
He leans in, looks into my eyes, and lowers the lights. I go in for the kiss.
And now I’m being escorted out of the opticians.
“Apparently she had slaved over her homemade stuffing. At some point during the meal, her brother-in-law announced, ‘I prefer Stove Top,’ and it was then, from what we understand, that the woman snapped.”
-11pm news, tomorrow night
Why do depressed people stay in bed? Beds were made for happy stuff like sex and naps and battles.
I had a cat and a Beta fish once. Then I left my apartment for a minute. After that I had a cat.
One time I went on the Hulk rollercoaster and had maybe the best picture ever taken of me
Her: Would you like a complimentary orange juice with your breakfast?
Me: No, I’d like the rude, insulting orange juice, please.
(Electricians.)
I’m the most bashful person in the world, until you get me on the dance floor. Then I become the most bashful newborn giraffe in the world.
My husband just asked this southern 8 ball if I loved him. It said “bless your heart” 😆
4-year-old: What happens if I throw up in the red shoe bin by the door?
Me: Why is your question alarmingly specific?
4: No reason.
It’s not as serious as some of the parents in the elementary school pick-up / drop-off line seem to think
March 23: Trump pretends to drive big-rig. House bill falls apart.
July 17: Trump pretends to drive firetruck. Senate bill falls apart.
If you are not supposed to drink WD40 why does it come with a straw??
what’s something i can do besides get married where i can be the center of attention and everyone cries and tells me how beautiful i am
The year is 2030. Bakery art is so realistic, literally anything could be cake. The uncertainty has gripped the world in fear. I go to hug my wife for comfort. She is cake.
Dinosaurs, consider yourselves avenged
“I want you inside me.”
-says the quotation marks to the period-
How amazing is it that nobody in the same Kingdom as Cinderella , had the same sized feet as her ?
She should play the lottery too !
In hindsight I spent far too much time and money on gifts considering that my 6yo spent all of Christmas night playing with an electric toothbrush
A grilled cheese sandwich has never sent mixed signals, just saying
People often say “I’m too young for this shit” or “I’m too old for this shit” but never “this shit right here is age-appropriate”