@LostFelicia I hate it when I’m eavesdropping and people aren’t talking loud enough.
@RickAaron Billy Ocean’s “Get Outta My Dreams” is my favorite song about simultaneous eviction & abduction.
@StuForReal Maybe jesus needs me in his life
@slickniclunatic [therapy]
me: I’m really trying to change
therapist: that’s great
me: I want to be become a different person
therapist: how
me: *squeezes eyes closed* telekinesis
therapist: no
@Stap_Jr Car commercials are so insane, like hey we’re going to the mountains to chase owls in our kia sorento, alright take it easy penelope.
@MadHatterMommy Me: Don’t you talk to me like you are paying me for what I do
Boss:
Boss: But I am paying you for what you do!
Me: What did I just say!!
@OllyiConic public defender: if we get the wooden hammer away from the judge we win
@YSylon If you are going to make me scan my own groceries, give me an intercom too
@ozzyunc I always end up at the store behind people who’ve never been to a store.
@chairkeyre Webb. James Webb.
