@TheBoydP

No one makes eye contact in a restroom after being “loud” in a stall.

Women because they’re embarrassed

Men because they’ll start laughing

@TheBoydP

Why hasn’t anyone marketed bottled water as nonalcoholic vodka?

@TheBoydP

I’m guessing whoever said “There’s no point beating a dead horse” has never been in a zombie apocalypse.

@TheBoydP

The only thing worse than getting caught sneaking alcohol into the house by your wife is being called amateur by your teen son.

@TheBoydP

It wasn’t until an old man yelled BINGO that Nana realized what a horrible mistake it was to bring her pit bull Bingo to the bingo hall…

@TheBoydP

Hey Mexican food restaurant waiter, if the basket is empty you don’t have to ask. YES I WANT MORE CHIPS!

@TheBoydP

The book I bought on dog training doesn’t seem to be working. I don’t think she’s even reading it.

@TheBoydP

Not to brag but growing up my boys thought a unanimous decision meant whatever mom wants.

@TheBoydP

Guys! I just heard when women ask “Does this make me look fat?” they know we’ll say no. What they are really testing is HOW FAST WE SAY IT!

@TheBoydP

Purgatory is like approaching a flashing stoplight. The light at the end of the tunnel is blinking and no one knows what to do.