If by environmentalist you mean “I try to get out of doing things by saying it’s bad for the environment” then yes, I’m an environmentalist.

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“i used to live in india, now I live in indiana”

“is there a difference?”



Considering “Thank You” cards are a thing, I’m going to invent “No, thank YOU!” cards and people will send them back and forth forever.


If I learned anything from Aladdin it was that if u just keep lying to a girl eventually u will get to marry her and live at her dad’s house


I have to stop saying “Because I’m Batman” all the time. It’s not cute anymore. Oh wait. Yea it is! You know why? Because I’m Batman.


Mom I’m running away! No I don’t need a jacket! Mom no I’m fine I don’t need a jac- mom! No I don’t need you to pick me up later mom! MOM!


Fast and Furious 75: Tricked out motorized scooter racing in the assisted living bingo hall.


You might want to read all of my tweets… so that when the movie comes out you can be all pompous and say the timeline was better.


“If something goes wrong, we’ll just go to a blue DOS screen and dump out an indecipherable log of what happened”.

This was a choice made.


“Hashtag.” #ReplaceAOneWordMovieTitleWithTheWordHashtag