No wine. No peace.
Know wine. Know peace.
You Might Also Like
Taking viagra for my sunburn. Doesn’t cure it but it keeps the sheets off of my legs at night!
Juicing changed my life. I went from being overweight, to being overweight and owning a juicer.
An app that detects itself running on other people’s phones, then both devices play Random Encounter music. What happens next is up to you.
A Serial Killer Known For Ripping Out Tounges Entered The Buzzfeed Office And What He Did Next Left Us Speechless
There’s no such thing as a five second rule if you’re putting it on someone else’s plate.
Company loyalty can often be explained by Stockholm syndrome.
The one time I order underwear from amazon, and they deliver it to the wrong house. Guess I’ll finally get to meet the neighbors
I’m great at coloring eggs. Every morning I turn them black.
Oh deer
Me, to kids: “Yes, I’ll play, as soon as I finish my coffee.”
(Genius! We all know parents never get to actually finish a cup of coffee.)
If Bugs Bunny was as sarcastic in real life as he was in the cartoons I’d be like, “HOLY SHIT A TALKING RABBIT!”
Moment of silence for those who received mugs that aren’t microwave and dishwasher safe
You know you have something special w someone when u start finishing their sentences. But enough about me & my local Subway sandwich artist
The odds of Jesus coming a second time are about the same as those of ANY man coming a second time. #amirightladies
I try to explain to my kids during the movie that in reality, even a cowardly lion would eat a girl and a little dog.
WAITER: soup or salad?
CLARK KENT: *sweating nervously* just a REGULAR salad for a REGULAR guy please ha ha. nothing super about it…
#WarAgainstPorn because they’re having sex and we’re not. No porn for anyone until everyone’s having sex, ok?
What’s a retweet called now?
I vote Xerox.
There are some “IDIOTS” in this world, That Always Reply “NO” to every question we ask them….
now tell me, Are you one of Them?
Me:”The store didn’t have any bread so I brought flour”
Wife:”If they didn’t have butter would you buy a cow”
*sound of hooves in kitchen*
🤣✨#caturday
I don’t mind saying: this last year has been tough on me and the other cult members. Doing goat sacrifices on zoom just wasn’t the same.
Mugger: Hand over your wallet or else!
Me: *wearing a deodorant that promises 48 hour protection* Or else what?
Penguin: is it true birds fly south for the winter?
God: yes but you don’t need to fly.
Penguin: why?
God: you already live as far south as possible.
Penguin: oh yeah!
God: and you live there all year long!
Penguin: oh man the other birds are gonna be so jealous : )
Last night, I took a sip of water and a spider crawled on my lip! I no longer drink water, have lips or live here.
I may toss the cat into my teen’s room when he snoozes his alarm
if he fails to check his pillow for catnip before bed that’s his own fault
What if Baby Shark was by Lady Gaga? 🦈⚡️
Satan: I’m bored. Let’s keep telling her that’s not her password.
[wine class]
Swirl your wine. Inhale its aroma. What do you smell?
ME: wine
Can you smell its buttery oaky notes?
ME: nope, still wine
Mom: why are your eyes dilated
Me: your eyes dilate up to 45% when you look at something you love
Mom: what were you looking at
Me: memes