Meet Sugar, she doesn’t like to be ridden. If Sugar is approached with a saddle she lyes down and pretends to be asleep. Sugar refuses to open her eyes until the riders leave.
You Might Also Like
Out of all the cookies in the world, these HTTP cookies taste the worst.
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but no one in the world is judging you as much as you’re judging yourself.
People on Twitter: Hold my beer.
I’m just a girl, yodeling at the top of my lungs, until someone agrees to give me this latte for free.
“If you can’t handle me at my diddliest, you don’t deserve me at my doodliest.” -Ned Flanders
Haha, all I’m saying is there’s no need to put a little umbrella in my drink… It’s already wet.
Peach cobbler so good you can’t even taste the cyanide.
HER: i’m leaving u
ME: is it bc of my irrational paranoia
HER: yes
ME: did the dog put you up to this
Muscle memory, but it’s the Amazon driver pulling up to my house on the odd day he doesn’t have a package for us.
My son asked why my legs are “so fat.” You’re damn right I’m here for validation.
Early this morning a bird was chirping loudly at the same time that my husband was snoring and it was really sort of beautiful how they were pissing me off in harmony.
I love when a pig looks like a disguised quest giving god
COP: Do you know why I pulled you over?
ME: *pretending I’m asleep so he has to carry me up to my bed*
COP: Oh dang
4 put one of his toys in the gap behind the fridge and when I asked why he said it was noisy & annoying and long story short all 3 of my kids are now in the gap behind the fridge
I hate restaurants where they won’t let you bring your own mariachi band.
EARTH: Let’s just be friends
MOON: Ok I understand [circles the earth for 4 billion years]
I’m sorry for the things I said about you when I was hungry.
Hear me out: his and hers houses.
Why do New Yorkers constantly think New York is the only place that has things?
Police officer: You get to make one phone call.
Me: Do I have to?
[work phone rings]
Customer: I realize ur closing but I just have a quick question
“Good, because it’s 4:59 and I-”
Now, it all started back in ’82 when I had my knee replacement surgery
In my defense, that little girl should have never questioned my pillow fighting skills.
“Siri, show me justifiable homicide.”
To those of you who received a book from me as a Christmas present: just to let you know that they are due back at the library tomorrow.
[meeting Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson at Comic-Con]
THE ROCK: You want me to autograph your jar of pickles?
ME: What? No, I want you to open it for me.
My vocabulary can beat your vocabulary’s ass, arse, bum, buttocks, rear end, booty, backside, tush, tuckus and badonkadonk.
if you haven’t yet today pleaseeeee make sure you get in your hours and hours of screen time. you are your phone’s entire life. it misses you ♥️♥️🫶🏼🫶🏼 always remember this
I like that the doctor always asks if I’m a smoker. When I say yes, he tells me I should quit.
No shit? Thanks. Here’s all my money.
No time to explain get in the wood chipper
Dear God,
Laying an egg once a month would have been preferable. Thanks for nothing.
~ All women