Yes, it might be the wrong word but at least it is spelled correctly
– autocorrect
You Might Also Like
Before you try to convince me that people aren’t really all that dumb let me point out that TikTok has a “no filter” filter
I’m supposed to be afraid of you because you are a twitter badass? What are you going to do, caps lock me?
Already cringing thinking of the number of holiday cards that will be sent this year of families wearing coordinated facial masks.
the mechanic said it would be $800 to fix my brakes and I actually thought “how badly do I need them”
Just because I choose not to drink doesn’t automatically make me no fun. That is a separate choice, which I’ve also made.
Next time you see someone you don’t like, begin conversation with “I see the assassins have failed.”
ME: That’s a lovely aerial shot of the beach. Where did you get it?
WIFE: Google Earth
ME: Ok, you’re gonna have to narrow it down a bit for me, Sharon!
i think i blew my interview with that tech company when i said my biggest weakness was eating the free snacks
ME: “I’ll have a rum & coke.”
HIM: “I can’t serve you.”
ME: “Because I’m too drunk?”
HIM: “No. ’cause this is a hardware store.”
I was indifferent to Top Gun: Maverick, but I’m seeing so much good buzz about it that right now I’m going to drop everything and totally watch it on basic cable in a couple of years.
RANGER: watch out for wolves
ME: oh ya?
RANGER: so relentless-
[wolf runs up w/ bible] HAVE U HEARD ABOUT OUR LORD & SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST
When James Blunt says “I saw your face in a crowded place” it’s so outdated like wtf is a crowded place
Shout out to all the dormant volcanoes out there, just chillin’, keepin’ that magma to themselves and whatnot.
Netflix plants your dna at various crime scenes while you are asleep.
So this guy tells me he likes the way my name is spelled..
Me~
Thanks I gotta say
I had absolutely nothing to do with it.. LoL
Sometimes I wonder what people without kids do with all that free time. I bet they sit and stuff.
Should I buy a pizza? Heads I do, tales I ignore the coin.
I just made the PERFECT phone call!
My parents didn’t answer.
guy at the gym: hey can you spot me
me: ya you’re not even hiding
If it comes down to Joe Biden vs Donald Trump we should just accept our fates & let a chili dog eating contest determine who’s president.
[about to post]
Social Media Police: Is it reliable
Me: Yes
SMP: Source?
M: I heard it from a friend who heard it from a friend
SMP: Proceed
Sam: Welcome to Multiple Personality Club.
Sam: No one else is here.
Sam: You’re here.
Sam: I’M YOU, STUPID!
Sam: OK EVERYONE CALM DOWN!
The more things change, the more they stay the same.
Nobody:
Absolutely no one:
Me: Oooh, I’m parked between two other Subarus! I’m the middle of a Subaru sandwich!! 🥰🥰🥰
Do people who get meal kits shipped to their home know they can have restaurants deliver food that’s already cooked?
Playing dead in the supermarket to avoid having a conversation with someone you know attracts more attention than I anticipated…go figure.
I baked cookies in an EZ Bake oven when I was eleven and now they’re ready.
Just noticed there’s no comma in “Bed Bath & Beyond” and honestly, a bed bath would solve a lot of my problems.
The existence of Kylo Ren implies the existence of Kylo Stimpy.
My cat hissing at an empty chair is why I sleep in the attic.