@whereami18 Told my 11 and 8 next time I take their electronics away I’d also be responding to all texts they receive.They’ve been well behaved since.
@DanteEvilCat That awkward moment when someone says “stop”, and you don’t know whether to respond with “collaborate and listen” or “hammer time.”
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@whereami18 
@DaveMcNamee3000 Zelda is the name of the PRINCESS, the guy in green who saves her is named Luigi, idiots.
@NikiWithIssues I’m just a girl, standing in front of a boy, blocking the tv and getting him shot on Call of Duty.
@ch000ch do the spectators at golf tournaments know they don’t have to be there
@The_Sculptress I just had my first pole dancing class. Anyone know how to show this new skill without coming across as a complete whore? No?
Whore it is.
@Smooheed My dog always pees against trees when we walk through the neighborhood
I do it one time and now I need bail
@sbellelauren i think only bears should have the right to bear arms
@malbecmami cell phones have two brightness settings: “dim” and “the messiah is back”
@Scottzilla667 Her: I bought a wireless bra today.
Him: What’s the password?
@david8hughes [wipes brow]
“Finally finished YouTube.”