We’ve got some ground rules in this house bro. if there’s a sock on the doorknob it means im trippin balls and think the door is a big foot
2005: We want cell phones to be so tiny
2015: We want cell phones the size of the big rib from the Flintstones intro that tips the car over
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I TRADED MY ALARM CLOCK FOR A KOALA SO I CAN SLEEP UNTIL HE STARTS BEGGING FOR LEAVES WHICH’S LIKE 3 DAYS
My daughter wakes up everyday at 2:30, and moves from her room to the game room couch. She wants to be sure to see her brother leave at 5:00 for swim practice. It’s not to wish him a good day, but to see what he’s wearing so she can copy his outfit.
WHAT DO WE WANT?!
WHEN DO WE WANT IT?
OH HELL YEAH THAT’S THE STUFF
“Oh. My. God.” – the first duck to eat bread.
Signed, sealed, delivered.
Me: Wrong address.
“Hello, my name’s Drew and I’m an addict”
“Sir, this is a cheese counter”
If shame burned calories, I’d be back to my birth weight by now
“It’s been months since I got laid.”
– Baby chickens
Don’t worry little groundhog, when I stick my head outside and see what’s going on in the world today I run back inside and hide too.