@tastefactory

2005: We want cell phones to be so tiny
2015: We want cell phones the size of the big rib from the Flintstones intro that tips the car over

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@Cryptoterra

We’ve got some ground rules in this house bro. if there’s a sock on the doorknob it means im trippin balls and think the door is a big foot

@ElgatoEsmio

I TRADED MY ALARM CLOCK FOR A KOALA SO I CAN SLEEP UNTIL HE STARTS BEGGING FOR LEAVES WHICH’S LIKE 3 DAYS

@MedusaOusa

My daughter wakes up everyday at 2:30, and moves from her room to the game room couch. She wants to be sure to see her brother leave at 5:00 for swim practice. It’s not to wish him a good day, but to see what he’s wearing so she can copy his outfit.

@Home_Halfway

WHAT DO WE WANT?!
Follow-up questions!

WHEN DO WE WANT IT?
OH HELL YEAH THAT’S THE STUFF

@mulva74

Signed, sealed, delivered.
Me: Wrong address.

@D2BMcG

“Hello, my name’s Drew and I’m an addict”

“Sir, this is a cheese counter”

@SaraThomas84

If shame burned calories, I’d be back to my birth weight by now

@CulturedRuffian

Don’t worry little groundhog, when I stick my head outside and see what’s going on in the world today I run back inside and hide too.