Intel’s responses are magic:
– There’s a design flaw in Intel CPUs.
– Intel: no, they work as designed.– It allows stealing of passwords.
– Intel: no, it doesn’t corrupt data.– There are three bugs.
– Intel: we’ve fixed both.
You Might Also Like
People that whistle in public have at least one body buried in their backyard.
Trash night me: Damn these flimsy generic trash bags!
Grocery day me: Damn these Hefty bags are pricey!
Trash night me: Damn these flimsy generic trash bags!
Grocery day me: Damn these Hefty bags are pricey!
ancient egyptian: whoever disturbs the mummy will suffer a horrific curse. did you write it down so they know?
scribe: I drew a picture of a bird & then a dog guy an’ then a different bird
egyptian:
scribe: 2 birds total
egyptian: u know what it’s fine they’ll figure it out
Why do I have to answer security questions to pay my bills?
Ohmygod please tell me there are hackers out there trying to pay my bills….
professor x: what’s ur superpower
me: hindsight
professor x: that won’t help us
me: yes I see that now
It’s okay bowel syndrome, I am irritable too.
Daughter: Daddy, why do I have to go to bed so early?
Me: Because we have had enough of you for today
My 3 year old is helping me make crepes this morning. So far in the mixing bowl there are 2 eggs, 1 cup of flour and 1 measuring cup.
I finally got 10 hours of sleep. I mean it took 4 days to get there, but still.
Movie Theater: *lights go down*
Me: *quietly removes entire thanksgiving feast from backpack*
so a US company has to buy tiktok or the app will be banned??? Well folks, looks like we need to put on the best talent show this town has ever seen.
on my last dying breath saying “please… tell her I love her…” and then handing a stranger a heart locket and when they open the necklace it’s a selfie of me
Me: *types* “Stupid auto correct loves making me look like an idiot.”
*Autocorrects to* “You’re doing a good job of that yourself.”
Just remember Mom, you can’t spell “disappointment” without “appointment” which reminds me I have to be at Hooters at 9 for my interview.
Adobe update is ready to install *gazes longingly into the distance*, but I don’t think I am.
*4yo son, crying*
I’m sorry! How was I supposed to know I wasn’t supposed to cook the macaroni necklace?
*sigh*
Parenting is hard.
surgeon: says here he also has night terrors
patient: (under anesthesia) ahhh!!!
surgeons: ahhh!!!
inventor of the sauna: it’s a box and it makes you want to die of heat and dehydration, like microdosing dying in a desert
therapist: Any traumatic events from your past?
me: *deep breath*
therapist: besides the first ten minutes of Up
me: *slow exhale*
The best part of Halloween is all the Jehovah’s Witnesses wondering why they’re being given candy.
This earthquake was the first time that I’ve ever said, “it was 4.7, but felt bigger.”
Every parent becomes a hostage negotiator when their toddler seizes control of an open bottle of syrup.
FOOL people into thinking you’re a time traveller by angrily demanding what year it is
Had a big fall out with wife and ended up sleeping in my office for a week. Boss saw I was still there when she left each night and there before her each morning and gave me a promotion. Wife and I sorted things out too, best fight ever.
wife: you’re listening to too much theatrical heavy metal
Me: behold! The weaver of lies! A dark seamstress of shadows lurks amongst us
10 anti-Valentine’s Day cards that are perfect for your ex
Only 1 in 6 Americans can find Ukraine on a map…
Putin is fixing the issue
by just calling it all “Russia”.
Last year I asked Santa for the sexiest person alive. I woke up in a box on Christmas morning.
Donald Duck can walk around Disney pantless and everyone loves him, but when I do it, it’s “indecent”?
yesterday i was walking to an interview and on the way there, I saw a starving cat. I stopped to feed it and missed the interview. The next day I got a call asking to come in to do the interview. I was surprised but I went anyways. The interviewer came in. It was the cat.