Chad Kroeger from Nickelback loves taking part in nativity plays. He has played Joseph, the Inn Keeper and even the back end of a donkey.
But he’s never made it as a wise man.
You Might Also Like
Amazing how a fight can break out at the grocery store over something as simple as knocking over someone’s cart and demanding they fight you
I’ve just completed a cohort study that confirms people can go longer without sex if they have an adequate supply of chocolate and peanut butter
I call it my Reese’s Thesis
A wedding is like inviting your family and friends to the dock to watch you leave England on the Titanic.
i’m gonna start paying to get trapped in an escape room just for an hour of alone time
Mouse astronaut, six seconds after setting foot on the moon: I have been lied to
My wife takes 13 bikinis for a 4-day beach trip. Meanwhile, I’m rocking the swimming trunks my mom bought at K-Mart in 1991.
Me: Have you seen my bedroom trash bin?
Teen: The small one?
Me: Yes.
Teen: Made of wicker?
Me: Yes!
Teen: Dark?
Me: Yes!!
Teen: No.
Celebrity dumping an ice bucket on himself to raise money? Cute. Humanity dumping an ice cap on itself to raise sea levels? HILARIOUS.
5 things I hate:
-complainers
-list makers
-hypocrites
-people who don’t finish what they start
I didn’t want to use the word “Orwellian” in a tweet until I was confident that I could use it properly, so here goes: Orwellian would be a cool name for a horse.
ocean: *waves*
me: *starts to wave back then realize it’s waving at the woman behind me*
Buzzfeed will be the death of journalism intellect.
Guys, I need a good recipe that will make my guests never come visit again.
The best way to get me to agree with you is to be attractive.
[my first day on the international space station]
*grinds pepper over food*
Oh.
Oh no.
What if instead of yelling out “Oh God” during sex you yelled “Okie Dokie!”
[job interview]
“Why do you want to leave your current job?”
My boss is a total idiot
“It says here you’re self-employed?”
Yes that’s right
my 3yo found a whistle and is refusing to give it to me so do I just throw the whole kid out or nah?
[2005, youtube’s first pitch meeting]
ok so basicaly its like if america’s funniest home videos was on 24 hrs a day on evrey computer–
SOLD
I’m so broke that if my girlfriend leaves me for another guy I swear that I’m going with them.
My husband is working from home and he’s still late.
[tries to take a selfie]
Phone: NOT ENOUGH SPACE.
[deletes a bunch of photos]
Phone: still tho… don’t.
Sorry to interrupt your party, but I’m a little drunk and need to do the worm across your living room floor.
me: please don’t be mad
getaway driver: what’s wrong
me(left the money in the bank): nothing let’s go
My dog probably thinks her name is Jesus Christ
I found an old avocado under the seat of my truck yesterday. It was guacamoldy.
Ever been in a mutual muting? Beauty is, you’d never know.
getting groceries