Sometimes you find a video that reminds you why social media is the best thing ever
You Might Also Like
Who do atheists pray to when figuring out their child’s online school schedule?
Normalize asking the spelling bee moderator to use it as a safe word. Wait huh
The celebrity couple name for Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton is Clump.
(Don’t let her know you can’t read)
Yes I’ll have this
*points to menu*
-So you want the gratuity of 15% added to parties of 8 or more?
Shit
Day 137 of telling myself I’ll start working out as soon as my [body part] stops hurting
The thing about my dogs barking is I can never tell if there is a murderer breaking in or if my neighbor closed their car door in the driveway.
Thank god I played a lot of Tetris as a kid or I never would have been able to get everything into the freezer
I tried changing up the way I use the bathroom, so I wiped with my left hand today!
I really wish I used toilet paper instead, though.
why is Charmin trying to get us comfortable with bears? HELLO THEY EAT PEOPLE
Twitter’s original name was “Sentence Contest”
[as one million ants are carrying me out of my bed to toward their cavern to eat me alive] please let me feed my neopets first
Rage Against the Severely Uncooperative TouchPad On this Dell
I await the announcement that Trump’s running mate will be Charlie Sheen.
waiter: what would you like for breakfast?
me: toast
waiter: that’s weird but ok
[taps glass with fork]
waiter: i only just met this man but i can already tell he is a great guy, here is to new friends. [raises glass] to friends
If I ever found a unicorn it would probably only be about 5 minutes before I put it’s horn in my mouth.
*filling plastic bags with electricity for my Tesla*
My Rice Krispies were speaking in tongues this morning, so I’m pretty sure the end days are near.
The most unrealistic element of Jurassic Park is the part where an American theme parks investors become concerned after a single worker is killed
What I said : Just a trim, please.
What hairdresser must’ve heard : Give me the Kim Jong-un.
Her: is the game almost over?
Me: this is just the first half
Her: uggghh how many more halves are there?
Me: you’re pretty
There’s 7 million people in this world and you think I’m gonna let one customer with a bad attitude to ruin my day??? damn right I am I’ll probably even go cry in the freezer too
Whoever coined, “No good deed goes unpunished,” must have fed some seagulls.
On the bright side, every moment Bieber spends Tweeting is a moment he isn’t spending recording or performing music.
the whole internet loves Stanley Cups, the viral cup that you can drink from! *5 seconds later* we regret to inform you the cup is poison
I have more pictures of food on my phone than I do of my children.
[Spills wine]
“My medicine!!”
I hate it when I’m by the window and make eye contact with someone outside, so I understand why this lady is shocked to see me up a tree.
When angered, the female can text message at speeds of up to 1,600 words per minute.
This year, teach your kids the true meaning of Easter by trapping them in a stone tomb for three days.
Bragging about how much you receive in alimony only demonstrates how much someone was willing to pay to get rid of you.