“The 27 Worst Things About Going To Stock Photo University” – something I made years ago and I just found it archived, and I’m pasting it here in a thread
You Might Also Like
Forgot the word “peel” when talking about a fruit and said “I skin the kiwi…” instead.
“Mom, I’m an adult. There’s nothing left for you to show me.”
(*folds a fitted sheet*)
“TEACH ME YOUR SORCERY, LINEN WIZARD”
Toddler tech support: “Did you try throwing it and crying?”
I think I’ll stand
I hope you catch the bouquet at my funeral.
I hated Sex Ed at school. Or ‘Sexy Edward’, to give him his full name.
using internet explorer to download chrome is like when my gf borrowed my car to cheat on me
I love when fanfic writers write about seedy nightclubs because you can tell so instantly that they have never in their lives been inside one.
It’s like a zoo lion dreaming of the savanna
a gander reveal party where everyone thinks the invitation had a typo but they get there and it’s just a duck
I don’t think ‘safe sex’ sounds like a very good idea. I mean, what if you get locked in and forget the combination
First of all, I didn’t take it, and second, I already put it back.
Did some financial planning and it looks like I can retire at 62 and live comfortably for eleven minutes.
But I’m the good kind of abomination, right???
Seagulls are when the sea clenches its pelvic floor
I was playing COD when me and this kid started arguing… then this kid started giggling, and said Wendy’s. Without thinking I said “Wendy’s?” I got hit with the loudest “Wendy’s balls hit your forehead bitch” Ive never left a lobby so fast in my life.
joker: if you kill me, you can save all these people
batman: no, if i kill you, that means that i’m no different from you
joker:
batman:
joker: have you ever heard of the trolley problem
Egyptians don’t walk like that.
SOCIALIZING IS EASY FOR ME BECAUSE I AM NEVER TEMPTED TO FEAST ON MY HUMAN FRIENDS
[hearing burglar noises downstairs, my dog and I exchange worried glances]
Dog: I guess I could protect you?
Me: dude you’ve been in one fight in your life and that was with a blanket
I’m peacefully fishing when I notice a ham sandwich on the seat beside me. I pick it up and am dragged to the deep as a salmon reels me in.
are those elderberries?
[camera pans over to reveal a bunch of berries struggling to use the internet]
The best way to stay safe on the road is to drive like something other cars want to avoid.
Say what you will about Facebook but when my wife sees posts by my extended family, at least I don’t look so bad.
Came home and my cat was on the porch cuddling with a baby skunk. When the skunk saw me he took off like I had caught him in bed with my girlfriend.
My six year old lost a tooth. I left a note instead of money “too dirty.” He has been brushing that one tooth all day. Lesson unlearned
What’s good for the Michigoose is good for the Michigander
Maybe it’s love, or maybe she just can’t unclasp that damn bracelet on her wrist without help
I thought I felt a spider crawling on my neck.
Now I have to pretend I was breakdancing at this bank.
Me: you tellin me a shrimp fried this rice lol
Benihana Chef: ha ha
Shrimp Under Chef’s Hat: he knows too much