@Book_Krazy

I don’t think ‘safe sex’ sounds like a very good idea. I mean, what if you get locked in and forget the combination

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@Donna_McCoy

My husband keeps watching a tv show while complaining about how boring it is, & now I understand how he’s stayed married to me for so long.

@SCbchbum

“Let’s wake up super early, stand in the freezing cold with mobs of people & harass a cute little groundhog!” ~White people

@AimeeHelene1

Me: *braids girl’s hair*
Girl: *turns around, terrified*
Me: The movie was boring me…
*leans back in seat*
*eats popcorn*

@BigRadMachine

Y’all are gonna lose your minds when Donald Trump eats a Snickers and turns into Bernie Sanders.

@charstarlene

I can’t wait to get married and communicate my disdain solely through aggressive dishwashing.

@bransonreese

Hate it when a grand piano falls on me and my head pops out of the wreckage and the keys are my teeth. The experience is simply not for me.

@SondraDeeMe

I date men whom have their life paths laid out firmly and don’t waver.
Yes, their paths are Psycho and Socio, but consistency is admirable.

@JenAshleyWright

Wait. Why is it called ghosting? Ghosts stick around. THAT’S THEIR WHOLE DEAL.