I feel like movies exaggerate men’s enthusiasm for having meaningful conversations while playing pool.
You Might Also Like
Hubs: *Climbing ladder to put baby bird back in nest* [at my request]
*Falls off ladder*
Me: Oh my God, is the bird okay?
What jugglers do best
1. Juggle
2. Make people who can’t juggle feel bad for not being able to juggle
My 7yo son is running away because I made him write a few sentences. I guess I shouldn’t expect any letters from the road.
Interesting how Lassie always happens to be at the scene when a kid “falls” down a well.
A great vocabulary is such a turn on. A guy used the word “bifurcated” during a meeting and I almost threw my panties at him.
95% of American office workers are watching the World Cup right now.
Overall productivity level remains steady.
No pants were worn during the making of this tweet.
Jesus Christ this website is exhausting I just want free healthcare and a president who doesn’t look directly at eclipses
I saw your link on Facebook.
What happened next will blow your mind…….I didn’t open it.
bewitching sea ghost seeks unwary sailor for fulfillment of ancient curse, maybe more
an ear doctor’s practice called “hear, here” somebody write that down
People always throwing cursed objects into the sea hello, no that is how you get haunted sharks
Parenting doesn’t prepare you for the awkward glances you get when a naked Ken doll falls out of your briefcase.
Husband: I love you.
Me: I have a boyfriend.
When your wife asks what’s on TV, dust is not the right answer.
“VROOM VROOM! VROOM VROOM VROOM! SCREECH!” – Entire script for Fast and the Furious 6
War & Peace wasn’t written to be downloaded on your iPad, Carol. Tolstoy wrote it for you to carry around and impress people with.
Doctor: i’d like you to step on the scale.
Me: You first, pal.
Impress them on your first date by showing up in a shirt with their face on it.
The NRA is pretty unhappy about the #filibuster. My thoughts and prayers are with them.
Me: I’m an expert at identifying birds.
Them: Ok, What about those ones flying over that tree?
Me: *narrows eyes and looks intently over the trees* Yes, they’re all birds.
[4:30am]
ME: *shifts slightly in bed*
DOG: *races across house* IS IT TIME TO GO OUT NOW?
I enjoy long walks away from the scene of the crime.
Fun Fact
The Hubble Space Telescope was built to do several things, one of which is to search for intelligent life, it is pointed away from Earth!
oh u like me? name 5 meds i take
Thanks, Word-Of-The-Day, I’m already familiar with “plateau.”
“Half a league, half a league, half a league onward,” though obscure has a better ring to it than 2640 yards, 2640 yards, 2640 yards onward.
Guy: [strolling along] Well, at least I have my heal- *piano falls on his head*
Me: [leaning out my apartment window] Oh no! My piano!
Why are we forcing a single payer military plan on everyone? There should be a basic military that covers you, and if you want to bomb another country on top of that, you pay for it yourself. It’s about choice