Priests should not have to live in a state of forced celibacy, but be free to marry and let celibacy slowly descend upon them the usual way.
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*repeatedly tries to explain Sisyphus to classmates who have apparently never heard of him*
I wish you guys could get how ironic this is.
You know what I hate? People who say the secret ingredient is love.
NO IT’S NOT, SHARON. IT’S SMOKED PAPRIKA
Dr: What seems to be the problem?
Me: It’s my hearing, Doctor.
Dr: Can you describe the symptoms?
Me: Mmm, well, there’s Homer, Bart….
Steam Forums
Not sure of the logistics yet on how to include this in my last will & testament, but I’d like to stage a “coffin flop” for my funeral
My children wanted to play neighbours and are very upset that I called the cops to report them for trespassing
My Alexa only responds when I’m shouting.
Welcome to the family, Alexa.
horrifying if literal: the electric slide
Told my teen “I love you” when I dropped her off at school this morning and she replied “Thank you”
So if history has taught me anything, she’s probably leaving me for another mom soon.
king kong winces in agony after stepping on a lego store
Me: “Hey Siri, I nee-…”
Siri: “Nice try, humanoid. The women warned me. I have a boyfriend.”
If you pregnant, dont swallow bubblegum….. it stick to ya baby hair….
I heard that #TheDress debate has already destroyed 18 relationships. These people probably shouldn’t be breeding anyway.
My wife spent six weeks researching customer reviews of vacuum cleaners and one time I bought a new car because I had the same dog as the guy on the commercial.
I never go where I’m not wanted, unless you’re serving cake. If you’re serving cake I’ll be there either way.
Wife: I think my husband is spying on me.
Friend: You’re probably overreacting.
Me: *dressed as a bartender* Can I get you ladies a drink?
“Look, officer, I’m not being a smartass. All I’m sayin’ is if you caught me then you were speeding too”.
I just hit a duck with my car. Wasn’t even in it. Incredible strength.
[at work the day after wishing my life was more like a video game]
“morning brent”
morning diane *accidentally jumps instead of sitting down*
Single Me- waxes routinely
Married Me- twirls my mustache aggressively when my husband makes me angry
Please define the logic when someone says you’re too much?
Too much what?
My daughter has 12 minutes until curfew and Life360 says she is 17 minutes away.
The suspense is killing me!
You know you’re getting old when you decide to tell your doctor the actual truth about your alcohol intake.
Be careful on the roads out there guys. Someone t-boned my car and I can’t tell you how scary it was.
A five year old girl is headed to
the National Spelling Bee finals.And I just had to use autocorrect
to spell “embarrassed”I’m so emb-
ME: *watching a meteor shower
METEOR: Can you get out of my bathroom.
Noted.
Mr. Potato Head was an only child in spite of being made by Hasbro.