Why are top brands getting more attention while your unique, innovative ideas stay underrated? Here is some #ThursdayAdwisdom. The truth is that you may be missing out on one of the most fundamental rules of selling – grabbing consumer’s interest. #digitalmarketing
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Him [sexy voice]: let’s do it on the couch
Me: ew babe no that’s where we eat
Husband: What kind of toothpaste should I get?
Me: Sensitive, strengthening, whitening, tartar control, plaque removing, deep clean, breath freshening, complete protection, with baking soda.
Husband: So get the blue stuff?
Me: Yes.
the world is kind of a disaster anyways let’s do a Jurassic park, dinosaurs deserve another go
I always get self conscious buying toilet paper like some high schooler is gonna take a picture of me and post it online with the caption “lmao this dude poops”
me: [thinking] I don’t want kids
my mom: [2000 miles away gets a mental notification and texts me] how could you do this to me?
The escalator at the gym is broken, this is BULLSHIT.
One time when my 10yo was 18 months I took him to the library for story time and he rolled his toy car under a bookcase and yelled “oh shit”. The lady stopped reading and everyone turned to look at me and I didn’t go back to story time at the library again
kale is so versatile, it can literally fit into any trash can
[VIDEO] John Oliver Agrees With You For 22 Minutes
Pinterest recipe so long that it’s now a limited series on Netflix.
I won a cozy blanket at work today and pissed off a lot of people. It was awesome.
Of course I care about the environment. I spray air freshener every time I leave the restroom don’t I?
The best thing about algebra in high school is that it’s in high school and I’m not.
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
Me: I hope I get a good night’s sleep.
My dog at 1 AM: Hey I just did a huge diarrhea on the carpet.
Stop bragging about your workout pics. Do you see me post every box of donuts I eat.
My mom used a fire extinguisher on a portobello she was broiling for a sandwich that got too close to the flame. Took it out of the oven, but an hour later forgot about the fire, made the sandwich, ate it, panicked + called. The guy was laughing so hard he couldn’t answer her. 😂
I hate to get all religious on you but can I just have a minute of your time to talk about my air fryer?
“Don’t kiss or snuggle backyard poultry,” CDC warns in salmonella alert.
[Date]
ME: I own a hawk..watch. CLARENCE TO ME
[across town hawk at dinner w/ family]
WIFE:Just dont answer it
HAWK:*sighs* We need this job
One thing I’ve learned about this world is that there are always going to be people who want to change you.
-babies
90% of parenting is making up rules. 10% is trying to remember them.
“I don’t want a boyfriend.” -woman who wants a boyfriend who isn’t me
I’m sorry I joined the zoom with my flames of hell background
Mummies are just super modest zombies
Instead of chasing after Taylor Swift, I’m just going to wait until she breaks up with everyone else so I’m all that’s left.
Why aren’t the people in old timey photos ever smiling? Because they were in constant danger of getting eaten by dinosaurs. READ A BOOK.
Fun Prank: put a live turtle and a tiny pair of nunchucks in your toilet before your guests arrive
If you’re looking for some alone time away from your family, start telling them a story about a great deal you got on something you bought using coupons.
If you start to miss your family and want them to come back, get yourself a snack, open a book, or make a phone call.
My mom has a rule that we do nothing on Christmas that Jesus didn’t do. Apparently, Jesus drank a pitcher of martinis & hit on the caterer..