Will I be able to follow Children of the Corn if I didn’t see the prequels, Babies of the Corn and Toddlers of the Corn?
You Might Also Like
ME: Please! Don’t! I have a family!
ASSASSIN: Who do you think sent me?
disguised vampire: i put my sweat and tears into this project
boss: what about blood
disguised vampire: huh?
boss: *narrowing eyes* you do have blood right
disguised vampire: haha vhat do u mean
Wife: Where’s your dad?
Son: He’s sunbathing in Nepal.
Wife: He’s what?
Son: Himalayan out.
Boss: Can I see you in my office?
Me: Idk how dark is it?
Kmart is closing 108 stores putting 16 cashiers out of work.
1st date: get whatever you want
2nd date: these desserts are expensive
3rd date: let’s split an appetizer
4th date: waiter, I have a coupon
Cereal box mascots would destroy sports team mascots in a fight and it wouldn’t even be close
To stay safe in a fire, remember the acronym “DBOF”:
Don’t
Be
On
Fire
Pedestrians cross the street like it’s on their bucket list to get hit
when you tell me to do something I was already about to do
I don’t think my blind date was blind, she read the menu and caught the basketball I threw at her
I won’t say I neglect my appearance but I will say I just shaved my legs at my desk after wearing a skirt to work.
Nailed it! #Tekken #King #cosplay
Magicians on Star Trek be like Picard, any card
[straw house]
Wolf: [big inhale]
[gun cock from inside]
Wolf: [soft exhale]
[Mcdonald’s]
DARWIN: 2 Big Mac meals for us… and 9 Happy Meals for the kids
WIFE: we have 10 kids
DARWIN: I know
*sees Jaws in my yard* we’re gonna need a bigger milkshake
A dating app for people who are shy called Mumble
oh cool this article looks like a neat re-“JOIN OUR NEWSLETTER TO NEVER MISS OUT ON THE BEST NEWS EVER BUT FIRST DISABLE YOUR ADBLOCKER ALSO CAN WE HAVE YOUR PHONE NU-“
[medusa’s husband sighing and pulling a wad of snakes out of the shower drain]
My toxic trait is wanting things I can’t have, like sleep and lactose
Fred realized too late that he should have bought a fresh sheet for his toga, when he walked into the black light party.
Who needs human contact when you can just cuddle a pile of clothes fresh out of the dryer
My resume is just an old VHS tape of the “Life Goes On” episode where Corky lip syncs “Fight the Power” for his school’s talent show.
Ex-Girlfriend: I heard you & your new girlfriend are having problems… Well, you’ve always got my number.
Me: Yes, is it still 666?
Spiders and snakes are vital parts of the eek!osystem.
“♫ In the circle…“
“Enough already, Stanley.”
“♫ the circle of…“
“You’re making everyone nuts.”
“♫ liiiiiiiife!”
You don’t have to write ‘Twitter addict’ in your bio. Your 58675687K tweets give it up by themselves.
women showering in movie: slowly rubbing her soapy thighs.
women showering in real life: firing snot outta our noses like angry dragons.
“I really thought by now we’d all have robots,” he wrote, typing on a small device containing the sum of the world’s knowledge.