Can’t wait for my family to go to sleep so I can do that thing I like*
*eat the good cheese
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me: *ringing up 85 boxes of chocolate*
cashier : haha getting ready for Halloween are we?
me:
cashier:
me:
cashier:
me: what?
zordon: YOU ARE MY POWER RANGERS
9th graders: whoa!
zordon: HERE ARE THE KEYS TO THE MEGAZORD
9th graders: but we don’t even have our driver’s licens–
zordon: GO GO POWER RANGERS
What happens in Vegas will most likely cost you a fortune in dry cleaning.
Dropped ice in the kitchen?
Kick it under the fridge.Dropped a baby in the kitchen?
Kick it under the fridge.
Me: Wanna hear a joke?
Dog: sure
Me: Knock knock
*dog goes crazy barking at the door*
Had my mom call me to get out of a meeting, but now I’m stuck in a call with my mom
I like my women like I like my ancient staircases, curvy and can send me straight to hell.
When I eat nachos, I like leave one last chip alive so he can tell the story.
Anyone else notice Independence Day is July 4th? Maybe we can work it into our 4th of July celebrations.
Texting is a brilliant way to miscommunicate how you feel, and misinterpret what other people mean.