Her: “Want to see a picture of my baby?” Me: “Does it look like a baby?” Her: “Yes…” Me: “Seen it”
You Might Also Like
In Jurassic Park, the scene where the raptor opens the door to the kitchen and stalks the kids, Spielberg had originally wanted to have the dinosaur bake a tray of Macarons as a display of its intelligence, but writer Michael Crichton insisted that it would be “too much”.
Mom I wouldn’t be invited to jump off the bridge
If the British had won, today we’d all be celebrating the Fouurth of July
14: ‘I think the Wi-Fi is out again.’
Me: ‘You kids! Heck, when I was your age I’d be outside and-‘
14: ‘It’s back.’
Me: ‘Good talk.’
I think Newton was actually hit by pigeon shit when he discovered gravity.. Falling of apple was just a ‘dignified’ cover up…!!
imagining an 18 year old X Æ A-12 trying to think of an online password but just using his name
ME: why is there a question mark on this periodic table?
PHYSICIST: that’s the element of surprise
Apparently it was disrespectful to wear my Slayer hoodie at my friend’s murdered husband’s funeral.
i kinda love job interviews solely because i’m the most delusional person of all time and they make me feel like i’m on a talk show
I’m not usually a fan of non-fiction, but this Cheesecake Factory menu is a real page turner.