@Cheeseboy22

Just found a hilarious message in a bottle on the beach. I decided it needed to be RT’d, so I threw it back in.

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@teeaayyyy

Having a toddler is like harboring a bipolar, schizophrenic, incontinent, adorable, tiny dictator.

@thongbeard

Selfies are just sad reminders that you have no friends willing to take pictures of your face and cleavage.

@_correctomundo

Twitter should send notifications when you’re about to get fired and divorced.

@SondraDeeMe

*Learns sign language to keep arguing with boyfriend while giving the silent treatment*

@tobestewart

[watching paint dry]

“It’s just nice to be watching something without Benedict Cumberbatch in it-oh my god there he is”

@lakeanagirl

I like to take an empty Krispy Kreme donut box to work and sit in the break room and watch all of the disappointed faces