Having a toddler is like harboring a bipolar, schizophrenic, incontinent, adorable, tiny dictator.
Just found a hilarious message in a bottle on the beach. I decided it needed to be RT’d, so I threw it back in.
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Selfies are just sad reminders that you have no friends willing to take pictures of your face and cleavage.
Of course he’s going to get re-elected, because once you go Black…
Twitter should send notifications when you’re about to get fired and divorced.
*Learns sign language to keep arguing with boyfriend while giving the silent treatment*
[watching paint dry]
“It’s just nice to be watching something without Benedict Cumberbatch in it-oh my god there he is”
Girls, get your abortions NOW in case the Republicans win
A book commits suicide every time you watch a reality show.
I like to take an empty Krispy Kreme donut box to work and sit in the break room and watch all of the disappointed faces
Perms are just rad skateparks for lice.