Alex: This term indicates a zero score in tennis.
Contestant: What is love?
*dance party erupts*
You Might Also Like
Cat that has never been so insulted in all nine of its lives of the day.
BREAKING NEWS: Bread is extremely toxic to humans.
“Just throw it all in a lake somewhere,” says one long-billed scientist
*offers Batman cough drops*
Sorry neighbor who’s choking to death, my cat’s resting his little head on my leg.
This, like, never happens.
I don’t believe that twitter is the place for arguments.
We all have family for that..
Cop: You look pretty beat up, how many attackers did you say there was?
[flashback to me showing the cat my nunchuk skills]
Me: Easily 10
ME: forgive me father for I have sinned
PRIEST: nothing that can’t be forgiven my son
ME: I microwave my pop tarts
PRIEST: u sick son of a
Friend: I’m getting married!
Me: I suffer from IBS.
F: Why are you telling me that?
M: I thought we were just stating unfortunate truths.
Me: Can’t wait to sit on my front porch with my black cat and frighten children.
Coworker: I love Halloween.
Me: I meant after work today.