Amazon Review Guide
⭐☆☆☆☆ – I’m angry and taking my slight inconvenience out on you
⭐⭐☆☆☆ – Your product is crap
⭐⭐⭐☆☆ – Average
⭐⭐⭐⭐☆ – Great product!
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ – Average but I feel bad leaving a lower rating
You Might Also Like
I just saw a girl running without headphones and I feel I should call the police. She might be in trouble.
Don’t want to get political on here but there’s no such thing as “endless shrimp.” Heads? Tails? Those are two VISIBLE ends THAT WE KNOW OF.
Distance doesn’t matter.
You can make someone miserable from anywhere.
4 when I ask to play with him: please don’t touch my toys mommy
4 when I’m trying to take a relaxing bath: please accept every toy I own immediately
I have a Boo and a Bae. I guess you can say I have Boobaes.
vampires are dumb, moonlight is reflected sunlight.
THE EXORCIST (1973) An incompetent priest botches a routine case.
*ship enters earth atmosphere*
Alien 1: Finally a signal *turns radio on*
*Ed Sheeran ‘Shape Of You’ plays*
Alien 2: SO sick of this guy OMG
Buying a smart car seems like a good idea until you hit a squirrel and flip over a few times.
Once I found there was no popcorn in popcorn chicken there was no reason to try pot roast.
thanks, but I’M TOO FAR AWAY FOR YOU TO BE HOLDING THE DOOR OPEN FOR ME WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS STOP IT
LOAN OFFICER: I’m just a little unclear on the details.
DAVE: What are you not getting? I have 3 adoptive sons that are musicians and also chipmunks. They are obviously quite small and thus require custom instruments, for which I need a loan. Why is this so complicated?
When I see a kid on a leash I assume they were a dog turned into a kid by a witch & the owners have yet to figure out how to turn them back.
How to shape your eyebrows
A thread
Freaky Friday 2:
The mom and daughter switch bodies again
The mom doesn’t go back
She keeps stealing children’s bodies
She lives forever
Show me your nuts.
Show me you’re nuts.See how important the “you’re” “your” thing is?
Hockey is a sport where people use feet knives to walk so they can score a goal with a tiny hamburger.
A pig’s orgasm lasts for 30 minutes. So would mine, probably, if I was having sex with something made out of bacon.
*experiencing the extremely obvious consequences of my actions*
The universe is so mysterious
WIFE: I just read that men are five times more likely to be struck by lightning than women.
ME *on the roof in my He-Man costume with my sword* BY THE POWER OF GRAYSKULL WHAT HONEY?
you should be allowed to list your landlord as a dependant
my dad can break into almost any car using a frozen chimichanga
ME: *doing deadlifts* more weight
PALLBEARER: *reluctantly adds another body*
6 said he isn’t sleeping in his room cause the tooth fairy sounds creepy but he left the tooth cuz he needs the money.
-No DNA test needed
I live in constant fear that someone will abduct my mother in law at 35 Ash Street, London, Flat 2, door is sticky buzz Carol to let you in.
When businesses reach out to tell me they miss me, I politely remind them I’m married.
Interviewer: please explain this gap in your resume
Me: I was trying to optimise my 8 dollars worth for the month.
Me: you tellin me a shrimp fried this rice lol
Benihana Chef: ha ha
Shrimp Under Chef’s Hat: he knows too much
It costs nothing to be kind. But then again, it costs nothing to be a sociopath. So you see my dilemma.
Even before the internet, I always had a little side chat going on in my head.