This day in history. 1961. In Spain the fascist government of Generalissimo Francisco Franco declared equal rights for women and men. None.
You Might Also Like
I once tried to the Dirty Dancing lift with my cat but it turns out Mr. Mittens isn’t very strong.
Saw a few feral dads at the grocery today. They’d lost their shopping lists and didn’t have phones. Store staff were attempting to feed them without being bitten.
My kid asked me where babies came from and I was like “Dude, ask your Mom. I still can’t figure out why Garfield talks and Odie doesn’t.”
I slid my foot into my slipper in the dark this morning and there was a sock laying on it. Let’s just say I didn’t know it was a sock, and I’m happy to report I’ve set a new long jump world record.
Girl: So, how many inches is it?
Pat: How many inches is what?
G: You know..
P: Uhhh, about 200 dollars long.
G: OMG, It’s so big!
The best thing about going to my Parents at the weekend is my Mum’s meatloaf.
She can’t do the voice but she looks just like him.
my glass coffin company “remains to be seen” is not doing as well as i thought it would.
How to make her squirt: make sure she is a lime
Yes of course the covid exposure notices are scary, but nothing shakes me to the core like an old fashioned classroom head lice letter.
I don’t need WebMD to tell me what’s wrong with me, I have my mother.
Why would I want guest towels? That’s like an invitation.
Me: *rubbing bread on a dog*
Friend: When I said pet with the grain
こいつ天才
When your spouse comes to you excited about a toilet seat, it’s best to remind yourself this person will most likely decide when to pull your life support plug someday so you get excited with them about that toilet seat.
“fine! leave me because I talk like I’m in a novel but you aren’t taking the kids, he exclaimed”
I only shave half my face in case that I get arrested so that they will have two different side profile pictures.
I hope everyone at burning man is okay, but I also wanna share that when I lived in San Francisco the week all the Burners left for Burning Man was THE BEST WEEK in the city and we all looked forward to it every year
ME: it’s spelled “kevin” but pronounced “kev-a-vin”
INTERVIEWER: you’re fired
ME: you haven’t even hired me yet
INTERVIEWER: you’re fired
Bruce Willis is being chased by a pug. he jumps in a taxi and escapes. he breathes a sigh of relief. the driver turns around. it’s the pug
*cleaning Dorito dust off of a crayon drawing of Spongebob* yeah I restore art
Every time we have an eclipse, I hear someone say, “This won’t happen again for another 150 years,” but then the shit happens every year and a half.
Why are hurricanes named only after girls?
Otherwise they’d be called HIMicaines
Do you remember when the most annoying thing on the Internet was a dancing baby?
Yeah, good times
Every time I see a white work van, I beat the driver unconscious, and check in the back. Sooner or later I’ll be a hero.
Teens running from a party after the cops get called invented parkour
Doctor: I’m afraid you’ve got chronic updog
Me, embarrassed that I don’t know what the word chronic means: ah well, you win some you lose some
The potato masher IS the Gatekeeper of the utensil drawer, don’t piss her off.
“Who puts ugly pictures of someone on a missing poster? I’ll tell you who. My MOM. That’s who.”
~ The Best Testimony I’ve Ever Heard in Person
Maybe Millennials aren’t having children because we lived through the nightmare of raising Tamagotchis. :/