That little rat from Ratatouille is under Pharrell’s hat pulling his hair to make him dance.
You Might Also Like
Mary brought in donuts.
Jim took the only Boston Cream.
Jim knows those are my favorites.
I slipped a laxative into Jim’s coffee.
I pulled the fire alarm.
We are on the 39th floor.
Jim should learn to be more considerate.
I save my pooping for when I’m at work so I can say “I can’t believe I get paid for this shit!”
[Pulls away from kissing]
So you do want me to interview for the cat juggling job?
I’ve become totally immune to clickbait and YOU WON’T BELIEVE HOW I DID IT.
Damn I just accidentally punched myself in the face while removing a bralette! That will teach me
lmfao
I’m not afraid of the Bermuda triangle or any triangle really. Even played at its most aggressive it’s just not a threatening instrument.
Hello, my name is Graeme, I have a PhD in computing, and I am a senior accessibility consultant, but when I want to type “é” on a Windows laptop I go to Beyoncé’s Wikipedia page and copy/paste the letter from there.
I am a man with convictions.
Mostly because I have a really terrible lawyer.
everytime IT tells me to clear my cache and cookies i imagine giving away my money and treats
Bella always knew her human wasn’t particularly sophisticated but red wine with tilapia really was the final straw.
Daughter asked who the princess of France was. When told there wasn’t one her eyes widened and she quietly asked if she could do it
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the strength to shave my legs.
men don’t eject their eyes from their sockets and yell awooga anymore
The cheese grader saw me walk in the house with a bag of shredded cheddar and shit got real awkward.
Ice skating is like walking in cursive
The worst part about a fender bender is getting out of your car and having to meet a new person
*Makes three typos while trying to correct one*
bro think about being homies w Joaquin Phoenix in “her”. trying to console him over his broken heart but at the same wanting to be like “dude she is a phone”
Movie super villains always have wild origins stories like “Fell into radioactive goo” or “Possessed by alien” when a more realistic and gritty one would be “Attended Harvard”
If you tweet about orthopedic shoes enough, you don’t even need to write “No DMs” in your bio.
Gotta be tough for the guy somewhere who has to say “yeah, she left me for Charles Manson.”
british people are always saying fucked up shit like “i grew up in Poppington Square but moved to King’s Jangly before settling in Elephant-Upon-Strighton.”
Researcher: By 2030, life expectancy is predicted to increase globally by 6 years.
Southerner: [pouring mac and cheese into deep fryer] No.
I found my first grey pubic hair today. Normally these things don’t bother me but it was in my Big Mac.
I don’t want a “stable and rewarding career”. I want to wear a CLOAK, live in the middle of the woods, and eat 12 times a day like a hobbit
Pay your exorcist or you may get repossessed.
Thanks for using our drive through. Please park over there and wait 20 minutes and someone will bring out 85% of the stuff you ordered.
if ur getting chased by a bunch of drunk 90’s kids just yell out “in west Philadelphia born & raised” then u got like 2 min to run
Nobody:
Absolutely no one:
Not a single soul on this Earth:
Not even their mom:
iNfLuEnCeR: “A lot of you have asked about my skin care routine…”