jurisprudence- an accused is innocent until proven guilty.
media- an accused is guilty until proven innocent.
colony aunty’s principle- guilty after proven innocent too.
You Might Also Like
who called it rolling over in the grave instead of a plot twist.
Sometimes the only reason I leave my house is so when someone asks about my day I don’t have to say “Netflix and avoiding responsibilities”
This is the one
Would you rather get paid $1,000,000 right now or pay somebody $10 a day to wake you up by punching you in the face?
I’ll take Option B. It keeps you motivated to go out and EARN. That’s the hustler mentality
But it’s not the “worst way” either…
Would you rather have a normal childhood or a sense of humor?
My toddler threw a clipboard at me. This is no way for a boss to treat an unpaid intern.
Always be kind to people, you never know who may own a boat.
Sorry I can’t pay for a new car right now, I’m still paying off a Naked Juice I bought in 2014
how come some families are all, like, “we’re direct descendants of many important historical figures,” & my family is all, like, “that raccoon is your uncle cletus.”
“I really have no idea how to pronounce my name but I won’t admit it.”
Guys named Geoff.
pilot: we’re approaching 30,000 feet
me, looking out window nervously: what are they doing up here
Why do you love your baby so much. You’ve only known it for like 4 weeks.
Who cares if you break a damn mirror. If you think 7 years of bad luck is hell, try breaking a condom.
Driving past a cop car with its lights on: Boys, the police are here. They heard about you!
My son whispers to his brother, “I was never here.”
Store was out of the size I requested, so this was their substitute and now I gotta open a diner
Sorry kids, if Santa were real he’d have a podcast by now
Prison Guard: *evil laugh* I’m going to do a cavity search.
Me, who has never had a cavity because I brush regularly: I look forward to it!
Don’t follow me… I once sat in a traffic jam for 5 minutes getting pissed off while everyone lined up behind me, but I realised they were parked cars
My ancestry DNA results came back: 100% German pancake batter
Mary had a little lamb. The doctors are all really confused.
No one cares if you take an apple or yogurt from the hotel breakfast but apparently if you start filling your ice bucket with bacon it suddenly becomes an issue.
Shall I compare thee to a wooly worm?
Thou art more fuzzy and more ravenous
Started making anti-inspirational greeting cards.
Dudes named Chance never had one.
Letting my 4-year-old niece cook me breakfast in her Easy Bake Oven and acting like I’m not about to absolutely destroy her on Yelp.
Running barefoot, the morning’s dew cool on my feet. My hair flows in the August breeze and I carry with me treasures from my past. I look to the horizon and I see him, my hero. And I smile. For today is Recycling Day and I’ve made it to the curb on time.
ME: Onions make me cry.
HER: It’s from a compound called Syn-Propanethial-S-Oxide.
ME: I think it’s probably cuz an onion killed my parents.
If you start out by saying “not to sound creepy,” you’ll get my full attention.