Mazda’s marketing slogan is “We Build Mazdas.” They decided on it after rejecting others like: “Mazdas Are Cars” and “Buy Mazdas With Money”
You Might Also Like
Before a long trip I drink allot of alcohol the night before. Dehydration will work for me for once.
“It’s a dog-eat-dog world.”
– Hannibal Labradoodle
While eating as a guest at other people’s homes, I’m thinking their dogs are genetically obligated
to-convince you they’ve never, ever been fed.
Responsibility for the New York earthquake is already being claimed by tremorrists.
Accidentally left the plunger in the toilet, so yeah the wife is wide awake now.
I just watered a few plants so I’m ready to open a landscaping business.
*Buys map of world, pins up on wall*
*Swears to visit wherever it lands*
*Aims dart*Map: I have a boyfriend
5yo: *sniffling*
Me: “Need a tissue, Bud?”
5yo: *wipes nose with couch* “Why?”
fast food drive thru cashier: were you the one with…… …. … lots of stuff?
me: yeah that’s me
i couldn’t figure out why i’ve had a headache all day until I heard 8 and 6 arguing about who remembered more about the emoji movie.
I love sipping margaritas by the pool. Or, as my neighbor with a pool calls it, “Trespassing.”
Boy am I stuffed! I finally finished eating the bag of salt I got for Christmas
Accidentally activated “vacation dad” by telling my husband there is construction on our way to the airport…we are now leaving at 3 am for a 5 pm flight. We live 20 mins away.
It may be an unpopular opinion, so block me if you must, but not all Girl Scout cookies are good. Their “Toast-yay!” should be called “Toast-boo!”
Autocorrect changed “velvet” into “violent” so now I’m teaching this cake kung fu.
“Update the force, Luke”
Adobe Wan Kenobi
[3rd Date]
*To myself* ok, you really like this girl. Just play it cool, detached.
ME: I don’t even care what season we get married in.
9-year-old: Sorry I stayed up past my bedtime last night.
Me: You stayed up past your bedtime?
9: No.
“Dad, are those sirens?”
“Keep your eyes on the road.”
“I think they’re chasing us!”
“You said you wanted a sister.”
“I know, but-”
“So we got you a sister.”
“That isn’t what-”
“JUST STEER THE BIKE, BOY!”
March 16
*flagrantly eats a waffle with a pancake*
Corgis are great when you want a wolf that’s a loaf of bread.
[first day on a new job]
Me: I’ll admit. I’m a workaholic. I tend to bring my work home with me.
Zoo keeper: Put down the penguin.
Me: it’s time to go
Kids: wait. I cannot possibly leave without my emotional support toothpick but I don’t know where it is
*Death comes for me but is once again fooled by my false moustache*
[pitching my invention of liquid chicken nuggets]
CEO: so you just drink them?
ME: *pulls a needle and syringe out of my briefcase* think bigger
*sneezes with a mouthful of toothpaste*
Him, yelling from the other room: Why do you keep upping the amount of my life insurance?
Me, pouring heavy whipping cream into his skim milk carton: I have no idea what you’re talking about.
[on a date]
me: *whispers to waiter as I slide a $5 across the table* I’m going to the restroom. Make sure he doesn’t touch my fries.
I keep lowering my expectations and you keep limbo-ing underneath them.