Instead of writing ‘many thanks’ at the end of an email, specify the number of thanks, eg “18 thanks”. The personal touch will be appreciated
You Might Also Like
*takes off Scooby-Doo head*
Rivorce?!
DATE: I love heavy metal
ME: [trying to impress] My Dad was crushed by iridium
5 grabbed the rest of my sandwich and said, “Don’t mind if I do!” and walked away.
I’d be mad if I wasn’t so impressed with his confidence.
Aladdin is my favourite movie about lying to a girl to make her fall in love with you
That water trick was miraculous, but let’s see Jesus try walking on Legos.
Is it safe for Ryan Gosling to wink at a girl that’s already pregnant or does it like, poke the baby?
A Starbucks was robbed at gunpoint this afternoon. The culprits are still at venti.
Executioner: What do you want for your last meal?
Me: Can it be anything
Executioner: Yes
Me: I would like to eat a A318 Airbus
going into to sephora and putting some lipstick on my collar to make my gf jealous
[3 dads circling new neighbor on their bikes]
“im not looking for any trouble”
all three dads in unison: HI NOT LOOKING FOR TROUBLE IM DAD
Motherhood is full of surprises but the biggest surprise is when I take my bra off at night and random things I hid from my kids come tumbling out.
Son: What’re the trailers for?
Farmer: Goin’ to market.
S: Why 3 of ’em?
F: One carries cows, one hauls pigs.
S: That one?
F: Totes m’goats.
the hottest people have the worst stomach problems
I installed a mirror inside my fridge to make it look fuller, and now I have two empty fridges.
Spider-Man: Hey. Are you okay?
Thor: It’s just not my day.
Spider-Man: Well it is Thursday though.
Thor:
SPOILER ALERT ~ Fast & Furious 10 is about car chases.
Is there something about me that suggests I want to hear about your smoothie cleanse, because I can change.
I’ve become totally immune to clickbait and YOU WON’T BELIEVE HOW I DID IT.
If your wife is a school crossing guard, you’re missing a huge opportunity if you don’t tell people she’s into human trafficking.
something magical should happen if you eat enough saltwater taffy. maybe a mermaid drags you into the ocean
[jail]
INMATE: so what are ya in for?
BIG BAD WOLF: well I huffed and I puffed and then I got nabbed for possession
INMATE: goddam pigs
I need a chiropractor for my brain.
A Mexican stand-off, but it’s 3 Canadians each trying to pay the bill and they all have to pee
When I’m angry I drink more coffee. That way I’m still angry but I also have to poop.
me: i should go to sleep
brain: read every political tweet that’s ever been written. let the rage fuel you. sleep is for the weak
I told the kids we had 3 of them so we’ve got one to make money, one to marry into it, and whoever’s left gets to change my poopy diapers when I’m done looking after myself. Long story short, they’re now in a race to leave home first.
And that’s how you win at parenting.
Doctor: The tests came back. They don’t look good.
The tests: ok wow this is the kind of attitude that made us leave in the first place
my boyfriend invited the neighbors over for dinner “sometime,” so now we have to move.
I’m no socialist but I do believe everyone is born with an inherent right to as many dipping sauces for their mcnuggets as they want.
My daughter is taking a bath and asking me to bring her Camping Barbie and every time I present a Barbie to her she says “No, CAMPING Barbie.” She is growing frustrated. I don’t know what to do. All of the Barbies are naked.