*Wife screams*
“THERES A RACCOON IN THE HOUSE. GET IT OUT”
*I approach, raccoon cracks it’s knuckles. I turn around*
“It’s his house now”
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Your Joke Is Factually Incorrect – A Guide to Dying Alone.
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Also me: Yes, I can see that.
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My husband not so much so
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[ ] Yes •
[ ] No •
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i’m having this made into a welcome mat
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ME:
IN: Is this an ability you have always had?
ME:
IN: Please say something.
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Me: When do we learn about the law of gravity?
Prof: We don’t.
Me: This is BULLSHIT.
*flips table*
*table floats up to ceiling*
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Me: Sure, can you hold my beer?
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