The first rule of bread making club is you only talk about it on a knead to dough basis.
You Might Also Like
I hate when people say “think again.” Buddy, I wasn’t even thinking in the first place.
detectives are always like “what were u doing the night of april 5th” i literally couldn’t tell u what i was doing 6 hours ago bro just lock me up
BATMAN: Thanks for filling in while Robin is away.
MOTHMAN: *Just repeatedly flying into the bat signal*
Sex is great but have you tried taking a shower after a week of camping?
My wife complains that I never open the car door for her, but when I do she’s all, “Stop it, you’re driving too fast! We’re on a bridge!”
This video changed my life . I need to know their backstory. I need to know every person in this group.
Choose your pet name wisely because you’ll be yelling it out in your neighborhood if you lose them.
*uses falsetto voice*
MR. SMOOCHES!!
ME: It’s been suggested that you are the average of the 5 people that you spend the most time around. Over time, you actually become similar to them.
ZOOKEEPER: Get out of the penguin exhibit or I am calling the cops.
Me: So I’ll see you Friday?
Friend: I can’t wait!
Me: FINE THEN FORGET IT
If you get confused visiting Canada and you think you’re in France, relax my dear wanderer, you’re not high! It’s not you, it’s just Québec
Apparently I’m a bad mother for having a lip piercing. Actually sir, that is a zit. Thank you for pointing it out.
Need this in my life lol
dvd? why are the Ds fighting??
Nobody’s coming to my pizzarrhea I don’t get it!!!
My kitchen after I cut an everything bagel in half
I like to walk through the mall and hand out bags of Cheetos to all the kids I see wearing white clothes
Son, there’s no need for a paternity test. I knew you were mine when you came prematurely.
Funny how bullies only bully people who are susceptible to bullying.
They don’t bully people who’d throat punch em without thinking twice.
WIFE: Do you think men and women are just hardwired differently?
ME [drinking a bottle of shampoo]: *bubble noises*
After a particularly tense morning with 4, she looks me dead in the eye and says, “Did you know there are families without moms?”
It was nice knowing you all.
People often argue the great realism painters of our day and somehow leave out Wile E. Coyote, and his tunnel on rock phase.
Well, sure, if I was a 22 year old hottie I’d tweet sexy stuff, but I’m a 47 year old married woman with 5 kids. I tweet despair.
INTERVIEWER: what accomplishments are you most proud of?
ME: lemme stop you right there, you seem to be operating under the assumption that i’ve had accomplishments
I finally got 10 hours of sleep. I mean it took 4 days to get there, but still.
Q: What’s the safest place to be during a North Korean missile strike?
A: The place they are aiming at.
Give it a rest, Quinoa. I know birdseed when I see it.
My car has a sunroof, but I consider it more of a middle finger display hatch.
There’s this dude who every day jogs past my house. He seems to be getting slower. Tomorrow I’m going to stand outside and blast ‘Eye of the Tiger’ to give him some incentive
Me: Do that thing I like
Him: [panics because I’m very inconsistent]