A Video no one needed, but since I miss saying these things, here is what Product Managers actually do.
Ask & say a bunch of random things to sound smart.Hope I get hired for my honesty at least if not for my skills đ
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Easiest way to make friends? Craigslist
Hardest way? Hmm probably putting your chin on a stranger’s shoulder from behind them at an Arby’s
“Thanks for coming. We’ll let you know.”
*stands up, trips, headbutts interviewer*
My mom gave the kids a 1,000 piece puzzle, so tonight, as a family, we will be putting together a list of nursing homes.
[first date]
Me looking confused: “well you had cartoon bunny ears in your profile picture!”
Stop, Drop, and Roll: A Beginners Guide to Bowling
Me: *successfully puts out fire* Did I pass?
Cooking instructor: No.
Maybe next year⌠âď¸
#GreatBritishSummer #Rain
Some people throw pasta at the wall to see what sticks, while other people just learn how to cook pasta.
Senior sext: CAN YOU READ ME NOW?
{1st date}
HER:Whatâs your favorite Disney movie?ME: *Worried this is a ploy to get me to share my pasta* NOT Lady & the Tramp.
My dandruff is so bad, I leaned over the fish tank. They thought it was feeding time.
*possum hospital
Nurse: Get the crash cart?!
Doctor: Give it a minute
They should just put something in the water so we all sleep for 14 days.
It would be way faster and I could use a two week nap. I swear to god I should just be in charge of everything.
what day is it?
Not saying I’m special but kids these days never have any money behind their ears.
I hate when millennials make up new words and demand that we all use them. people should only communicate like they did before we started making up all these words: using short grunts & hitting each other over the head with large knobbly clubs
Magneto: Never trust a beautiful woman, especially one who seems interested in you.
Me: *on the couch eating Ruffles in sweatpants* Yeah.
“I have $73 in my bank account!” sounded a lot cooler when I was 12.
8, peering closely at me: whatâs that?
Me: my necklace
8: How do you know?
under no circumstances will my brother take the L
My half brother moved out from living with his parents, and after a couple days, phones my dad and says, âI wasnât sure if it was too soon to call.â
My dad, âSon, you moved out. We didnât break up.â
If only the person that named âwalkie talkiesâ had been in charge of naming so many more household objects.
Texting 15 year old son after his high school dance:
Me: Hi baby! How was the dinner beforehand? Did you have fun? How was the dance? Did you dance with your date? Did you remember to tell her that her dress was pretty? Was it fun?
15: good
My wife put toilet paper on automatic purchase and delivery from Amazon so we never run out.
Challenge accepted!
Can’t we just sew all of the candidates together & have the first multi-headed president?
I wasted my best smelling years on people who didnât deserve me.
nothing saves money like being antisocial
onna these days onna these millionaires needa finally make my “wheres that steak smell comin from” app. im in front of a bookstore, this aint it
If you watch Jeopardy backwards it’s about 3 idiots who pay a Canadian to answer a bunch of hidden questions.
Some guy called me a siren.
It’s like he doesn’t even care that I do beeping noises & I can purr & moan & do like all the other sounds, too.