Instead of using the same password everywhere, I use multiple variations of the same password where I replace one letter with a special character or number, add extra letters and so on
This is super secure and protects all my accounts from ever being logged into by ME……😂😂
You Might Also Like
So supportive, you should change your name to Wonder Bra.
Billion dollar idea: An app that sends you a text when the light turns green.
Not to brag but the guy working at the liquor store said I looked like I didn’t need any help.
“No no, remember I told you we don’t do that in our house..”
-Me, breaking up a cat fight.
we will divorce one (1) billionaire every week until our demands are met
I bet most people learn their neighbor kid’s name not by proper introduction, but by the parents yelling it in a loud voice over & over.
Leaving my browser history open in case anyone in this coffee shop tries to steal my laptop when I’m in the bathroom.
[sees hot girl in bar]
me: [takes wedding ring off] so… do you come here often?
her: give me back my ring
Future historians will be asked which quarter of 2020 they specialize in.
[watching Friends]
NIECE: I love this show
ME: aw I loved it when I was ten too *ruffles her hair* you are gonna have such unrealistic expectations for how close your adult friendships will be
Anyone who has biological children can call themselves a body builder
[first date]
Him: I love Asian girls
Me: [trying to act all Asian]
*smiles
*starts sweating
*attempts to pick up chopsticks
*fumbles
*chopstick goes flying
*stabs him in the eyeHim: No, not like that
“Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?“
Lucifer: Are you hitting on me?
Bailiff: Do you swear to tell the whole truth, so help you God?
Me: Yes, unless she asks me if she looks fat.
We were watching The Discovery Channel on the couch.
I was naked.
She was afraid.
I guess I should have probably introduced myself first.
This Amber Alert has gone off 4 times today.
I bet the people with hidden prison phones are shitting themselves right about now. 😬
ME: some day i will find out Owlman’s secret identity
FRIEND: who?
ME: *narrows eyes*
Guys! I finally dusted my bedroom! And guess what? I HAVE A NIGHTSTAND!!!
How is a guy supposed to take a nap in his car during lunch hour if people keep knocking on the window saying things like “are you ok?” and “you’re rolling down a hill.”
At my local supermarket, a clerk told me that their fresh shipment of toilet paper sold out in 15 minutes. People preparing for the shitpocalypse.
I feel like dry shampoo is the equivalent of unicorn blood for hair—it will keep it alive, but it will be a half-life, a cursed life…
I bring my Roomba to parties, so I’m not the most awkward thing moving throughout the room.
Everyone who’s ever dated me knows one thing: fire is my weakness. Set my body on fire and it will cause great damage.
Twitter is kinda like my diary except I don’t use a glitter gel pen or tell you guys how much I miss Josh.
Ian: It’s done.
Mafia boss: Did you go anywhere nice?
I: What?
MB: Like a restaurant.
I: I killed him.
MB: I said take him out! Oh god, Tim!
I’m so poor, the ducks are throwing bread at me.
#RubbishJokes #DadJokes
women’s shower products be like “lock in moisture” and “rejuvenate pores,” while men’s are all “smell like hammer, you idiot”
I set my alarm extra early so I have enough time to lay in bed & be angry about having to wake up
A brightly-colored van drives slowly down our street. Kids gather excitedly. It is the Edible Arrangements truck. We are all betrayed.