the ‘grandma exploit’ is undoubtedly my favorite chatbot jailbreak to date. source here:
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What did one fungi say to another fungi when they got married?
“I want to grow mold with you.”
The smoke detectors just went off in my house and no one even looked up from their phones.
Why are cops the only ones who get to go undercover? Why can’t a dentist? Coming soon, Undercover Dentist
boss: you’re late
me: and you are not the father
Me: I just got hit
911: are you ok
Me: with a car
911: oh my gosh
Me: a toy car
911: oh why did u call us then
Me: its now sticking out of my skull
ME: [just killing it giving my best man speech]
WIDOW: Couldn’t you have written something new?
[first time hearing bag pipes]
ME: What a pleasant experience.
[1 minute later]
ME: This can stop.
As a young child my mom told me I could be anything I wanted to be. It turns out that the police call this identity theft.
Please make sure your kid’s middle name pairs well with their first name because you’ll be yelling that combo more than you think.
Me: (shaving my legs)
Cashier: I’m gonna need to ring up that razor and can of whipped cream, please.
I took 3 advanced geometry classes at Penn State and still pick the wrong size lid for my coffee cup 70% of the time.
If you cut your goat in half you’ll have two goats, that’s just simple math.
*Hears a joke about a chocolate bar*
*Snickers*
– at a ramen restaurant –
Me: slurp
Me: sluuurp
Me: slur-
Friend: stop, the food isn’t even here yet
Me: im practicing leave me alone
Goldfish 911: What’s ur emergency?
Goldfish: I forgot
Goldfish 911: Forgot what?
Goldfish: WHO IS THIS?
Goldfish 911: I DON’T KNOW
Cucumber is 95% water and 100% not donut.
Me: Thanks for helping me move.
The Rock: No problem. Hey let me grab this box-
Me: NO, DON’T! IT’S FULL OF-
[The Rock gets crushed]
-paper…
Penguin 1: Let’s stay in tonight.
Penguin 2: I didn’t dress like this to stay home.
ME: Your lizard keeps biting me.
THEM: That’s a cactus
I failed a history exam, stood-up my girlfriend and accidentally bought a packet of figs today because I’m terrible with dates.
how much longer is mercury in the microwave i don’t know if i can handle it
*pops the hood*
“Looks like the timing nut is gone on yer muffler belt”
.. Umm r u sure you work here?
*lifts eye brow, moustache falls off*
[on a 1st date]
Me: I’m just looking to take things slow
Her: *in a wedding dress* me too
support small businesses like a mouse selling tiny umbrellas or even a bee selling tiny umbrellas
Murder is like cilantro. You either love it. Or it tastes like soap.
*inhales helium from balloon*
I think we should see other people.
Guys with no personality that want to come across as “edgy”
“tHe bEaTLeS wErE oVeRaTeD”
Anonymously I asked kids (aged 6) to write new years resolutions. Here are some favorites…
“Eat more butter”
“Build a mud hut”
“Learn to drive”
“Try my hardest at everything but not maths”
“Make a new language”
“Invent Google”
Miscakes