A Free Range Chicken is easy to spot due to it’s backpack & rugged little hiking boots
You Might Also Like
Prove you’re not a robot by typing two words that sounds like they were doodled on a toilet cubicle by a schizophrenic
The French word for sex is croissant.
You may be the stupidest person I’ve ever met. And I’ve met me
people complain a lot about the airport but i find it pretty hard to criticize a community that so strongly embraces breakfast pizza and sleeping on the ground
Everyone’s family
Ex: will you take me out for my birthday?
Me, grabbing my pistol: I thought you’d never ask
Science Teacher: outside these walls, there are bullies. but in the classroom, there is only science
[I smile and look into my microscope where an amoeba flips me off]
Kermit goes Blue.
My sister on holiday with the kids, they had a few cute ‘towel animals’ left on the bed during the week but just came back to this
“I get plenty of exercise” I tell myself as I eat a banana peel because I’m too lazy to get off the sofa and throw it away
Murphy does not need a real egg to feel accomplished!!He’s quite content with his rock, and VERY protective of it! After his spring hormones have run their course, he will get bored and move on to other activities. Poor rock.
The dog version of Die Hard:
– Barkatomi Plaza
– John McGoodboy
– Holly Gennaroof
– Alan Rickman is a mailman
– Arfgyle
Hot singles over 40 in your area are curious what you use for joint pain and inflammation.
Moola better be the only form of currency at a cattle auction.
I’m just going start inventing words and then tell people that’s what we call it in England.
Me: I’m late, I’m late for a very important date!
Date: 🙂
Fig: 🙁
Prune: bro, lol
I consider sexual harrassmemt a compliment. I mean they only do it if your hot right?
[Speed Date]
Me: Hi. Could you show me on this Venn Diagram where alcohol & donuts overlap in your daily life?
Him: I..
Me: Too slow. NEXT!
Eating a slice of pizza is hard when you’re going through the car wash, without a car.
PARTNER: i think we should see other people
ME: look if you want to break up fine but for the love of god don’t make me see other people
[spelling bee]
your word is ‘hors d’oeuvre’
“can you use it in a sentence?”
yes…’I bet this kid can’t spell hors d’oeuvre’
me: would you still love me if i was crazy?
him: if????
the average goat is 9 carrots tall if you measure goats in carrots
Me: What should I do if someone breaks in while you’re at work?
Him: Give him a slice of that meatloaf you made last night, and I’ll bury him when I get home.
I asked my doctor if I need to cancel my birthday party, but she said that’s only for events over 10 people.
Is it just me or are the puzzles on The Guardian website really easy?
Food bloggers could post a recipe for ice and it’d still be 3 pages long.
I feel like I have something to prove here.
Judge: That’s sort of how this works.
If women would start naming their periods like hurricanes it would be alot easier for us men to remember which argument you are referring to
When the chips are down, don’t worry. The dog will get em.